Edward Lear - The New Vestments lyrics

There lived an old man in the kingdom of Tess, Who invented a purely original dress; And when it was perfectly made and complete, He opened the door, and walked into the street. By way of a hat, he'd a loaf of Brown Bread, In the middle of which he inserted his head;-- His Shirt was made up of no end of dead Mice, The warmth of whose skins was quite fluffy and nice;-- His Drawers were of Rabit-skins, -- but it is not known whose;-- His Waistcoat and Trowsers were made of Pork Chops;-- His bu*tons were Jujubes, and Chocolate Drops;-- His Coat was all Pancakes with Jam for a border, And a girdle of Biscuits to keep it in order; And he wore over all, as a screen from bad weather, A Cloak of green Cabbage-leaves stitched all together. He had walked a short way, when he heard a great noise, Of all sorts of Beasticles, Birdlings, and Boys;-- And from every long street and dark lane in the town Beasts, Birdles, and Boys in a tumult rushed down. Two Cows and a half ate his Cabbage-leaf Cloak;-- Four Apes seized his Girdle, which vanished like smoke;-- Three Kids ate up half of his Pancaky Coat,-- And the tails were devour'd by an ancient He Goat;-- An army of Dogs in a twinkling tore up his Pork Waistcoat and Trowsers to give to their Puppies;-- And while they were growling, and mumbling the Chops, Ten boys prigged the Jujubes and Chocolate Drops.-- He tried to run back to his house, but in vain, Four Scores of fat Pigs came again and again;-- They rushed out of stables and hovels and doors,-- They tore off his stockings, his shoes, and his drawers;-- And now from the housetops with screechings descend, Striped, spotted, white, black, and gray Cats without end, They jumped on his shoulders and knocked off his hat,-- When Crows, Ducks, and Hens made a mincemeat of that;-- They speedily flew at his sleeves in trice, And utterly tore up his Shirt of dead Mice;-- They swallowed the last of his Shirt with a squall,-- Whereon he ran home with no clothes on at all. And he said to himself as he bolted the door, 'I will not wear a similar dress any more, 'Any more, any more, any morre, never more!'