DRTYUNCL - Druncle Tairy lyrics

Goddamn right I'm gettin' drunk, you a**hole And I thought I was supposed to be the one who's a tad slow I'm sure you can tell by my facial expressions That I've got a severe case of either the room or the head spins As well as what they call a crippling disease But that seems silly 'cus I still got my legs and my knees Its a drinking problem, not type two diabetes I'm lookin' less Ron Santo and more Ace Freely I'm not cool enough to feel Gene Simmons I'll leave that to whatever his skank wife's name is If I end up famous it'll be for the wrong reasons Ditchin' Amanda Bynes' corpse off at the Four Seasons It really was an accident, you see Poor girl thought she could binge drink with Uncle Tairy That's a scary proposition for all but a few of my friends, sir I put the ER in the word bender I'm gonna drink all the booze in this convenience store And when they kick me out at two I'mma need more Go find one that's open 'til four Stock up and drink 'til I'm at Morality's door Knock, knock motherf**er Smack the goodie-two-shoes with a full rubber Inseminate his sister when the condom breaks And now they're at the same store paternally testing Fate Its mine, no support for the child Your brother's a nice guy, stay with him for a while I hear he's got no backbone and turns his cheek That's why I ditch his lame a** every time I wanna drink (Dude, you stink) Yea I know it. My pores ooze alcohol and anti-showbiz I remember being twelve, seein' Jennifer Lopez And thinkin' I'd need a Steel Reserve to plug her holes in But my dick wasn't yet the girth of a can Yet I knew if P.Diddy hit it then I had a chance So I grabbed a white suit and made a sh**ty pop song Shouted out a dead rapper and the ma**es sang along Next thing I know I've got a pair of tongs Pickin' up her contaminated panties at arms length Now I drink to escape Lopez Eskimo blisters breakin' out on my face I've been a disgrace ever since I started poppin' pills Chasin' it with Jack, vomit on my friend's dad's grill I'm a DUI without gettin' a DUI Drunk Inhibited Idiot takin' servers by surprise Alcoholics arise, awake from your slumber Grab your superhero livers and cans of boy wonder And drink yourself under to maintain mental health If you aren't lettin' go then you aren't bein' yourself