Drrty Pharms - Rage Turned Inward lyrics

[Verse 1: Dirty Pharms] Rage turned inward Chatting up this b**h on tinder I'll give her a stinky finger Then feel bitter when the feeling of her touch lingers A few years ago I was much thinner 'coz I cut dinner I used to f** mad s*uts without crying Now I get triggered Cry you a river call it styx I'm in hell 'coz I'm a sinner I made decisions I wish I could reconsider Gotta live with all the guilt and self hatred I'm painted as a villain but its highly debated I was devastated when my ex and I seperated All because I like being humiliated Self-punishment and flagellation like the middle ages Then my body get tainted for s**ual gratification Self medicatin' getting faded until I'm debilitated I'm so f**ing stupid, see her getting zooted Waiting for my execution My mind was polluted at a young age by people who were ruthless Sit here like a doofus, mad secluded, f**ing useless I don't do sh** Nobody listens to my music My ideas are ludicrous and convoluted I live in a fantasy world like C.S lewis but still I do it Too depressed to flex I don't feel impressive I'm highly detested, people want to see me arrested Theres a meth-head to my madness I feel sad and restless I pace around my room it feels endless I got a d**h wish I was defenceless when I was molested I use that to justify acting selfish I don't got to justify sh** because justice is for dumb b**hes I'm quick to lick a dirty p**y till my tongue itches And then I come in it I lose all competitions, no ambition I don't care to win or even finish I crave derision So self defeating Had to take beatings when I was young and now I plunder when I'm cheated But the rush is fleeting, I get a guilty feeling from the creeping I shouldn't be deceiving or mistreating my street thing Many parallels between us and Lea & Kells I know It's only a matter of time before she rebels [?] [sigh] Soon I'll sit in a cell I wish I could expel all this rage The boiling heat comes in waves All these revenge fantasies keep me high in the trees like a canopy Trynna' supress the agony but people want to rattle me The veracity of my s**uality leaves me panicking I just sit here anxiously waiting for karma to clap back at me I know she's really mad at me I know she's really mad at me