Don't Flop - Dunn D vs Shuffle-T lyrics

[Round 1: Shuffle-T] Yo, I'm in from the UK {Crowd cheers} f**...not sure how you'd react to me You could've gone enthusiastically or f**ing boo'd me ma**ively I'm in from the UK, let me tell you something That was a long...retracted...flight I read War&Peace, in Latin...backwards, twice You don't know the sh** I went through to battle you Half way into the flight we ran out of packaged food While I maintain we did what we had to do when we ate that member of the cabin crew Halfway into eating his legs a woman from the back came through like, "I found some extra sandwh- ooow." So f**ing bored in the flight I found a guitar and a man and f**ing started a band It was all going well, it was part of the plan We released three albums, they were eating out the palm of our hands We split due to creative differences when we started to land Bored of the flight as soon as I f**ing boarded the flight Even turned around to talk to a guy, I said, "How you doing?" He said, "Well I turn 40 tonight." I said, "Congrats" he said, "I was f**ing born on this flight!" I got so bored...I watched one of your battles The f**ing Disney sing song That was the point I shot the pilot like filming a new sitcom f**ing ripped that f**ing plane out of the sky like I'm King Kong I don't know if I said it yet but the flight was a bit long It's a miracle I got through customs A f**ing miracle it happened They said, "What brings you to Australia?" I said, "k**ing it with rapping." They said, "How long to you plan to stay?" I said, "Til I'm finished snapping." Under 'Occupation' I wrote I was a 'lyrical a**a**in' Thought they might find it funny if they're a fan of my work They thought they'd carry out a cavity search When I crap now it hurts But I'm finally here Wasting a full 90 seconds with D now This probably feel to you kinda like I'm wrenching your teeth out Talking 'bout how long it took to fly, collect and bring me down Cause I couldn't think of enough sh** for you to try and stretch it to three rounds But I might talk about you being kind of old though Oh, no? You're so old though You put the "old"....in "old" What I call the "olden days" you call the "golden age" Honestly man, you're actually double my age Obviously you're not but after 40 who cares it's exactly f**ing the same I won't say you're old enough to be my dad, cause that's changing the facts But you are old enough to be a mate of my dads You could go around to a dinner date at their pad and I'd be like, "Yeah that's fine. Nothing strange about that." You met a gypsy woman who was gonna read his fate on his hand She was like, "This line can help us tell the age of a man." She read it and then she was kinda taken aback "It just says you're f**ing old c*nt" on the base of his hand I'm gonna leave it there cause your beady glare and evil stare is making me really scared (Time) [Round 1: Dunn D] So I put the "old" into "old" c*nt you get decked in the pelvis So I pull your blood head and co*k and show some respect to your elders I might put the "old" in "old" but who cares you bloody weird meth head [?] battled until he was like, 60 So I've still got a couple of years left yet So, here he is The pretty boy of battle rap, versus Shuffle-T You think you're the pretty boy of battle rap? Bro in your f**ing dreams Why don't you have another geez? Cause I'm such an utter beast that onceI leave the stage tonight The females will all flood to me Them s*uts will be a 100 deep just begging for my company So when you go home alone to your hotel and beat your f**ing meat That'll be the only time tonight that you'll be touching D Oy, I'm the true pretty boy of battle rap You just bit my style you thieving co*k head When I walked into the venue you could tell that he was astonished Just to see the body of such a sleek Adonis Look more pruder than an Indonesian province Got my Blue Steel le tigre popping, to be completely honest If I ever needed dollars I could've been a model But I didn't want to take the easy option I got b**hes throwing box at me like they kicking me out the house because I cheated on 'em Shuffle-T is a Gromit You know why he doesn't need to wear a franger with the who*es he has s** with? Cause his dress sense alone is a form of protection And I only call into question all of the investments Cause with the wardrobe you're dressed in I'm sorta expecting you have a more than extensive fedora collection I'm sorry Shuf' I tend to get a bit carried away with stuff It's hard, you know? Once I start talking about how I'm an insanely buff Tasmanian stud with a facial construction ladies love I almost forgot to say to ya... Welcome to Australia! I'm sure you've probably heard a couple stories about our nation bruv You're up against whole heap of narly sh** so no one can guarantee your safety cuz But, I guess you laugh in the face of danger, huh? Well it's almost like you tried to put yourself in the worst possible situation but Between the bipolar Melbourne weather and the cancer causing rays of sun The array of rough and shady pubs The roaming packs of crazy drunks The racist munted wasted thugs Sharks and spiders fight snakes and bugs Plus now you're face to face with Dunn so it's pretty safe to say you're f**ed But when they told me I got Shuffle-T, man I could not help but chuckle You traveled half way around the globe just to put yourself in a world of trouble I could clip him in his chin just to watch his f**ing helmet buckle See his feet slide out from under him now you really came to Melbourne Shuffle I know I tell all of my opponents I'll punch 'em Honestly, honestly, I'm trying to make a change and take a stand lad I gotta set an example, I'm a father now Maybe one day I'll be a granddad So as a testament to me stopping all this talk of violence in my damn raps Just this afternoon I went out and got myself a new hand tat' Oy! And if you think I only punched him in the arm cause I can Just to put it over the c*nt, well then you can't understand It's that Circle Gang sh** and that's all part of the plan I got this motherf**ing round in the palm of my hand [Round 2: Shuffle-T] This motherf**er just deaded my wing I'll just let the guy win, he's f**ing terrifying Dunn? Do you not get so f**ing tired of being rigged and tensed up Sticking your chest into your vest in a defense puff You got a tattoo for each of the women you d**h punch It's like your steroids are on steroids, it's pretty intense stuff Of course you get reaction in Oz It's a piece of pie like a pizza slice People tried to warn me before I took this battle to seek advice They said, "It's not that the Aussie scene has died, it's just seeming like it needs some life." Said, "I'm sure that's not true. Who's your best battler?" "It's probably Dunn D" I said, "Jesus Christ!" The scene has died If you spat that sh** in the UK, the audience wouldn't sound so wild Cause Dunn's 10 years behind and we grow out those styles We wouldn't even save your battle to the download file You would spit your best round and the crowd goes mild But that's not the only reason I'm glad I'm from England Cause English people aren't constantly threatened by wildlife that's gonna k** them If you win, I don't cry with my bloody eyes in sorrow I'm just satisfied with being the least likely to f**ing die tomorrow Thought you'd go out drinking with your boys on a late night You're rowdy as f** your voices are raised high You put your foot down on the field cause the soil is a safe sight And then boom right there...poisonous snake bite Or you're just in your house You expect that you're safe You've checked and surveyed and inspected the place And there's no sign of any f**ing venomous snakes And then OH NO, spider bite, dead in a day I'm from the UK, die from a spider or a huge snake? I'm more likely to die from a toothache Drown in tea or somehow suffocate inside of my duvet It's like f**ing cane toads Where I'm from toads are a joke You kick a toad in the a** We would go over and laugh at how hopeless they are Slap a toad in it's stupid face, they cause nobody harm Here they f**ing k** your dogs by eroding their heart It is f**ing real sh** Crocodiles and tarantulas? That's making me sick Dinosaurs and giant spiders? Are you taking a piss? For the first twenty years of my life I thought they were a myth And now I'm literally in the f**ing place they exist? So basically Mick, and I'll say this to Chris You don't have to pay me a quid for taking the win, just save me from sh** I'm constantly paranoid of the cane toads, the ticks The snails, the sticks, the snakes and the fish, all the Australian sh** It's a dangerous mix Just take me to his, safe in the crib and maybe I'll live And I haven't insulted you much this round, just been stupidity Dunn And you're probably thinking if you diss me then you've instantly won I a**ure you all of this is just a cute Englishman stunt And though I haven't said it enough yet, I do think you're a c*nt [Round 2: Dunn D] I don't care if you were cla**ically trained in theatrical plays I don't care if you got a hard distinction in Speech and Drama back in the day I don't care if you talent was naturally made for the cabaret game And you got a standing ovation when you do Hamlet on stage Cause I guess you're a chameleon of battle rap in a way How you can drastically change your true colors through a gamut of shades Like, one minute you're dropping gun bars in a gangster display The next minute saying you love the co*k like you have to be gay So I'm surprised that when you rocked out to this battle today That you didn't blacken your face and bring an aboriginal flag to the stage And as the fallout on Twitter grows and Briggz will go attacking his fate with a rational debate Shuffle casually says "Relax, it's okay. I'm not actually racist I'm just getting in character, aye." Come round here comin' round here mate f** the earl grey tea you sip in cups and the warm beer that you drink in pubs Stop being a whinging bloody prick for once and shut the f** up about the cricket bruv Cause if there's two things in this world that absolutely sh** me Shuf' It's people that are intolerant of other people's cultures and bloody English c*nts So, when I heard that England left the E.U. and what the Brits have just started And the repercussions of the Brexit and what it did to these ba*tards And the fact it means a lot more Pommy's will be living in hardship I f**ing cracked open a V.B. and pissed me self laughing Up until then, the Aussie dollar fared pretty poorly to the pound Y'all had one of the world's strongest currencies and all of you were proud Til the Brexit f**ed that up, the bank froze all of your accounts And your economy and all its glory started falling to the ground But see, when I heard that sh** I was walking on a cloud Like, all my Christmas's have come at once, it was as awesome it sounds Cause now when I go to England in December I'll be balling up in style And I don't mean full on bottles of French champagne so I can pour a couple out Just means if I go into a pub in London and I order me a stout I won't have to put a second mortgage on my house just to afford the fricking round I don't hate all English c*nts That's too broad of a statement I just find that Brexit sh** f**ing hilarious before you go calling me "racist" How you c*nts dropped the E.U. and they all call it a failure While we all drop the A.U. and started calling it "'stralia" Plus, if Chazzy ever got told to "f** off" by Victorian natives sh**, we bring boatloads of inbred bowman to your shores and invade ya So the next time Shuffle flies in Melbourne airport he'll be sure to embrace it When he sees a big sign that says, "Welcome to Far Northern Tasmania." [Round 3: Shuffle-T] Since Brexit, the UK's still nearly as livable You won't be allowed there Nothing to do with Brexit you're just clearly a criminal Now I heard it was winter in Australia so I started packing some sweaters A coat made out of Italian leather and an umbrella To make sure I wasn't caught out by the lack of good weather Then I remembered...I'm from f**ing England Turns out I'm not the most practical dresser I've been sweating like Rolf Harris standing together with an under 13 year old family member Sweating like Steve Irwin in the deep water animal center To battle Dunn D [Dunn D] It's offensive [Shuffle-T] It is To battle Dunn D The man who makes Iggy Azalea look like a national treasure And that's Dunn spelled with a capital letter Cause what are you 38 or something? You've been rapping forever You've been going for like 20 years and you haven't got better What, you think life begins at 40 applies to your rapping endeavors? To you think your career is just gonna suddenly f**ing magic together? 50 isn't the age of Amtops average member So you're not gonna be able to handle the pressure And you can mark my words like a language professor I'm like a lion and f**ing Jesus got sandwiched together You're like a sh** rapper and an even sh**ter rapper got mashed in a blender We're about to see him collapse in the center It'll be like watching Michael J. Fox practice in Jenga It's every celebrity I can think of, ever You'll get slammed in the cellar, strangled, dismembered Stabbed in the chest, and shackled and feathered I came to Australia to give these people a clash to remember And this average contender doesn't match my agenda Can I remember the next bit? Can I remember? Yes I can, I can, I remember I'd let you off with a warning like a traffic inspector But you got a head I wanna take off and I'm an avid collector I'd let you go back to your crackling embers Unless you try to bite the hand that feeds you like Hannibal Lecter And by the way, Dunn D?...least original name for an Aussie battler ever You definitely need to get better to me The letters a D cause getting a D is the cleverest he could ever achieve, it's beggar's belief So unintelligent he finds picture books too high a level to read His wife comes home and sees him watching Sesame Street But it's not for his daughter, she's in bed and asleep He's just trying to get to grips with his alphabet in the week And keeps on getting f**ing stuck at LMNOP I'd keep going but you're angry and you're hencher than me So f** it The battle is pretty much over So tomorrow afternoon...me and you go get a barbecue Hang out with a f**ing cast of goons I'll buy you a f**ing lager too without you even me asking to I thought Fosters was popular out here and everyone drinks it but you hardly do I'll come back to f**ing Australia in a couple years Go to Tas' and then Darwin too and we can cuddle up like Koala's do I'll let you blow my didgeridoo Something, something, "kangaroo" Um...boomerang backwards is "gnaremoob" f** it, it's over, it's crystal clear, lets disappear And go drink a beer and argue over who had the sh**tiest beard [Round 3: Dunn D] You're lucky you weren't mean about my wife and daughter Or you can get punched in the jaw And it ain't even me you gotta worry about, me f**ing mother-in-law She got a sixth sense, she'll just know if you're talking any kind about her girls brah And appear on this stage out of thin air and put you up on Worldstar True story Now, if you didn't know, Shuffle, tab obsessed with battle rap And he's a pa**ionate guy He tries to bring battling into nearly every facet he finds He'll just walk up in the street to the first random he spies Like, "Round 1 on Shuffle-T" starts attacking with rhymes Say what you will about Shuffle but he's the battling type I mean, next to him I don't even know what battling is like What's it like bro? You do a battle a day and a battle a night Every conversation you have is a battle of minds [?] need to pay an airline when you travel the sky sh**, you just rolled up at the service desk and battled for flights Plus you literally went to a wedding when they were getting married and tried To f**ing battle the groom and then battled the bride I remember my wedding day...one of my happiest times But if some f**wit rocked up on that spectacular night And tried to battle me right then took some jabs at my wife I'd f**ing pull out a blade like, "c*nt battle a knife." Until he's lying on a gurney trying to battle for life f**ing ruin my wedding c*nt So I guess we both take battling pretty serious But homie you in a different zone So I get tatted up with my families names And fallen soldiers in the ink I chose While you get tatted up with "slow it downs", Diz's jokes, Clip's quotes And got a back piece of Hollow Da Don half naked in a suspicious pose He probably answers with "Talk to 'em" any time someone calls this dickhead's phone He got Don DeMarco's to your message sound and "bbbbllattt" for your ringing tone I'm the type to rub one out to a big titted ho that's getting boned You the type to rub one out to a f**ing video of Chilla Jones You identify as "bar-s**ual", that's what that f*ggotry is called c*nt Trying to pa** it off as just a pa**ion when in reality it's more but See, my greatest wish in life is the one I be having for my daughter That for any dream she ever have her daddy can support her Well your greatest wish in life ain't for your loved ones or your family at all bruv Your greatest wish in life is that they make "lyrical" into a category on p**nhub You bloody word playing fingering muppet If you saw me watching the Manaz/BK battle making some spastic faces It's cause I think their rap's amazing If you saw him watching that battle making some spastic faces...it was premature ejaculation That's how I know this lad's a flamer Cause he masturbates to raps from Vega So I'm just giving you this battle as a ma**ive favour And you can chuck him in the wa*k bank for later So I'm real glad you made the trek to this event and you're here Shuf' But saying you'll beat me, you say it like we both have exceptional beards bruv I'm the f**ing best up in here in, some respect for the big Dunn So respect where respect is due Go get me a beer c*nt!