Dizaster - Dizaster vs SMP lyrics

[Round 1: Dizaster] You know what rhymes with "fat people"? "Fat people" You know what else rhymes with "fat people"? "More f**ing fat people" I met you a while ago you obviously do not remember me But since you never exercise I think it's only right that you job your memory Yeah, f** what this slob is telling me Your parents make you sit down and watch a McDonald documentary That's when you hopping up outta your seat like, "Mom this is the part where they mention me!" Your got bodied by your pasta recipes You lost them three green collard greens, broccoli is your enemy Your arteries are blocked from all the lard that's entering Clogging entry, not receiving blood to your heart so technically You keep scarfing that box of Jelly Beans your cholesterol is in jeopardy Doctors gonna have to amputate your leg or your arm eventually And if they do amputate your arm eventually it's cause your life is not expected to have a long expectancy And that's because of your carb' dependency I can tell you had an awesome breakfast Sausage, eggs with lots of bread sticks You look like Bubba Sparxxx crossed with Precious I know you act like fat jokes are not creative and y'all wanna be like I'm offensive He gon' take the fat joke cause he is not gonna defend it Cause he gon' sit here and man up and deal with the consequences Cause no one in this crowd forced you to treat your body reckless It's not my fault you look like a f**ing mom that's pregnant I'm gonna steal one of Illmaculate's angles against Madness just so I can get by I'm gonna reverse the fat jokes with sarcasm by calling him "a slim guy" You're so skinny that you could take off with a- never mind it's not gonna work with this guy Eat some cold cuts you're a fat dude You wanna loc up then I'll smack you Last time I went to New York, I removed a torch from your statue Last time you went to New York the Ghostbusters attacked you Homie you're such a fat dude, you would get a donut as a tattoo Hold up I got more stuff to ask you Why the f** did you show up wearing Bone Crusher's fat suit? Lyrically you can't f** with me Get some f**ing exercise And I'm talking 'bout things besides having s** with pies f**ing fat f**ing human Shrek Every two minutes you lose your breath You wanna f**ing reduce your breasts? Then do some reps Maybe even some super sets that will help you look like Buddha less You're so f**ing Hungry that your nickname is "Budapest" This dude would trade food for s** Who are you telling? You took a b**h and chewed her chest in cause you heard that she had "beautiful melons" [Round 1: SMP] Now in 2005, Katrina made Louisiana leave in a hurry Japan lost half their land, left the streets in a fury Every year, hundreds of thousands of people get buried But I'm from Canada it's natural Dizasters are the least of my worries This guy is a f*ggot, straight up a huge f**ing wreck I'm 'bout to stretch this mark out like my new stomach fat You ain't respected in the west and everything you do is f**ing wack I've worked with Crooked I, we produced a couple tracks Been to shows with Xzibit, where were you s**ers at? I've got Connections in the Westside like Cube, Dub and Mack He never has troubles with flights, he's got mad government ties He just makes a couple calls to get past customs and flies He'll come across with the guns he's got, bra** knuckles and knives And pack all of that sh** up into the bags under his eyes Now I was mad f**ing surprised that y'all think this guy's a gangster and lives the hardest life He ain't got the heart to fight You catch him scrapping in the streets, it's garbage night I got street cred' and a**ets so if I get shot in the slammer I'm going into that sentence with capital like proper grammar I'm like James Gandolfini Y'all can see he hardcore I'll take your bars and shut 'em down like Lamborghini car doors Watch this camel get smoked in Canada no American cigarettes My fat a** will run circles around you til I tear out my ligaments You Arab degenerate I'll embarra** your heritage with this sh** I'm like the country you live in I'll f** up the whole Arabic Syndicate [Round 2: Dizaster] Ayo, you said you were gonna embarra** my heritage But how the f** are you gonna embarra** Americans When you have the hairiest Paris friends? You're from a city called Cornwall Wow, what a f**ing cornball You got corn stuck in your sports bra I mean you're still having corn meals, corn steel Out at the f**ing farm with your b**h having s** with a full grown seal Trying to hold the horse still, shooting a p**n film Somewhere out in there in the cornfield f**ing fat a**, I'll f**ing smack ya Man, if this wasn't a battle right now I would f**ing attack you I'm not gonna have this, not from this Canadian Madness You know what? Give me this sandwich {Dizaster pulls a ham sandwich from some guy out the crowd} This here? This is an amazing sandwich Smell it {Keeps eating it and then puts it on the ground between the two of them} Alright f** it, I'll put it in front of you I dare you to touch it dude And if you don't then that just proves you're not really a hungry dude So f** you homie, you're not the type that would ever get respect You need to take that f**ing towel and wipe all the sweat off your neck Sweating f**ing gallons Can't even keep your balance You are not even a challenge You're a fat kid you probably own your own f**ing banquet He told me before this battle, he said, "Yo you wanna wear my shirt?" I told him, "No thanks b**h that's probably Charron's blanket." You can't f** with Dizaster homie You look like a f**ing freaking bear You live somewhere near a f**ing vending machine that needs repair I mean before this battle he went and trained like a hard Marine Trying to get stuff to drop out of the soda pop machine Boxing it to the Rocky theme Going down to Coffee Bean so he can get a box of Boston Cremes Growing up you were part of a soccer team named Hunger Force with the Aqua Teen [Round 2: SMP] Diz', your first round was sick, the second wasn't fly dude f**ing right he pulls out a sandwich cause there's no way you're eating my food You f**ing Arab! Those brows have more hairs than HFK's back And that sh**'s like midgets and I motherf**ing hate that Damn Diz', was that Black Plague that infected your cheeks? You look like a mescaline freak that hasn't sleep in a week Check him he's tweaked And if that ain't the case, the fact still remains He looks like he just came off a Bender, like body fat in the chain Now that sh** you said about Organik, somewhat f**ing bugs me He made fun of how our president runs this league Look at how well yours run your country George...W...Bushy eyebrows Those are f**ing huge You should take a number two to those s**ers dude If he had an eyebrow competition with Bert & Ernie they'd f**ing lose! f** it I'm choking, f** it I'm choking I'll pull a Dizaster and hope no one will notice Walking around back and forth like, "I DON'T KNOW WHERE I'M GOING" Starting pointing my finger really fast in the face of my opponent And the suspense and sh** got to end it with "A WEAK PUNCHLINE ABOUT AN EXPLOSION!" [Round 3: Dizaster] Yo that f**ing bar was wack, you keep yelling at me then you're gonna have a heart attack Let me tell you something buddy You're f**ing overweight You and your f**ing homies, your corporate homies make Situations where you sit down and negotiate over steak Homie you're so overweight, you're like the white version of the person with the stolen tapes Why the f** are your shoulder blades oval shaped? You're so overweight, when you go to take a smoking break... You can't cause you work in such an enormous place By the time you make it to the end of the corridor your breaks over and you're already four minutes late He's in his late 40's wait He can't even score a date So he goes home so he can fornicate with his only Ho-stess cake I got more, wait You are not scary You're a Cornwall you grew up on the Farm like Knotts Berry The only thing you've ever left in your yard buried Was a batch of strawberries Motherf**er you're f**ing the size of an aircraft carrier And I heard you're French which makes it that much scarier Cause you're the only f**ing country where I can officially say, "Dawg, your b**hes are hairier." I mean he's gonna sit here and take these fat jokes and he's not gonna move from his spot cause I kept hitting him with fat jokes and I couldn't figure out why he would not budge Then I watched X-Men and realized, "Hey, that's exactly what The Blob does!" But you're not The Blob, you're Jabba The Hut Cause if you were The Blob then where the f** are your boxing gloves? You need to cut it down and f**ing jog for once I've never seen a larger gut They could use your lard as a guard for an armored truck I'm from America, the land of fat people, in God we trust Shopping malls, with all types of spots for lunch Fried meats, extra toppings and larger crusts What I'm trying to say is, "Dawg, you belong to us." So you better listen to what I'm saying to you you obnoxious c*nt Before I f**ing mop you up then hop up and sock you with a box of Hydroxycut You'll never lose weight no matter how hard you push and you try You should go to your girlfriend right now and kiss the p**y goodbye Cause I was chilling with girl, we were getting faded putting kush in the sky So in more than one way you can say that your sugar was high There's nothing you can say to me See people like you, to see it, to believe it, you're gonna have to see it in front of you And once you do that be the reason you ain't feeling too comfortable See while you're doing your mixtapes with Xzibit waiting for some record label executive peep to discover you I'ma take over by snatching these Toronto streets right from under you The love of your life is sleeping with other dudes She's swallowing semen then tonguing you to the point you're receiving the stomach flu You don't believe me it's f**ing true She's even freaking your cousin to and been keeping it all a secret like sweet little Huxtable [?] f**ing front of you, your Stairmaster's had enough of you {Judge calls time} [Round 3: SMP] Since I get a grace period, y'all remember this? He's so important, he don't got a job he lives with mom and dad f**ing poon poon jab Dizaster had the baddest [?] rather have a man, f**ing look who's a f*g He loves [?] Bashir is queer [?] in my brroom brroom cab Wow, your brows are (browser) bigger than Googles So it ain't a surprise that he can walk through a sand storm and never get a single grain in his eye I'm starting to question his religion I no longer think it is Islam Cause it would be easier for me to tell y'all all the d** he ISN'T on Acting like he's down with robbing hoods like he's Lil' Jon When really he's on an intercom like, "I'm finished with my dinner mom!" You never wanted to know that you live with your mom and dad Too late, your life's pathetic and that sh**'s apparent (a parent) Like your roommates Now he's tired of standing around This wait/weight, I'm over it I mean it's hard to fit over this enormous hidden shoulder width You ain't a soldier b**h You don't want any war dude You're my biggest opponent yet...but I'm probably yours too I mean I can roll through a McDonalds after Christmas supper Pick me up a little snack or two Cost me a hundred and twenty bucks, f** I even tipped the cashier Get home, open the bag And nothing gets me madder When they forget the sweet and sour For my chicken finger platter That's my motherf**ing definition of Dizaster! You ain't the disaster that swept the Haitians Or the disaster that wet the Asians They may have predicted this outcome But the fact is the weather's changing They forecasted a disaster but after the sh** you spraying I see more like cloudy eyes and a chance of precipitation Time motherf**er