Dan Bull - True Facts lyrics

Did you know That in the world There are nearly half a million facts? But the average person Only knows about a quarter of them So like some sort of gay conversion therapist dj I’m going yo try todo ser the record straight Ladies and gentledudes May you consent, approve And let me choose a few selected truths with which todo lecture you and set to music I was sent yo do this by skull and pat A couple of lovely chaps Who produce some other nerdy raps Fact: Michael Jackson wasn’t actually black He was latvian and just happened to look like that Fact: The planet isn’t flat or round It’s a rugby ball In feet and inches Peter Dinklage is bloody tall Vikings nevera wore helmets with horns They never even wore pants or trousers at all They came from Asia, invaded scandinavia Where they introduced the craze of ladies having labia You probably may have been taught the periodic table It was made by a carpenter from periodic maple Plus there’s periodic place mats and periodic cutlery arranged by periodic maids and periodic butlers Each chemical element is the size of a pelican That’s so tiny that it defies any measurement Fact: The oldest skeleton that’s ever been discovered was a hundred and eleven Someone left it in a cupboard Fact: No John Lennon song’s ever been covered They we’re lost in the wash and have never been recovered He was in a heavy metal band calles the beatles, then he met Paul Mccartney and formed the eagles Their biggest ever hit was hotel rwanda, a motown anthem about smoking ganja Fact: A goat’s antlers are made out of bone cancer “Hello, Ho” is the phrase you’d say when the phone answered I’m so proud of everything I get right, there’s no doubt ’cause I read it on a website There are five directions: North, south, left, right And I’m only as good at rapping as the next guy You need to move back ‘Cause these are true facts I’ve never found ir too taxing to remove a screw cap You need to move back ‘Cause these are true facts Catholic priests haven’t been acused of doing lewd acts You need to move back ‘Cause these are true facts Dr.Dre basically invented boom bap You need to move back ‘Cause these are true facts Rest in peace to big narstie and 2pac Both k**ed in a hit and run A different one By the same bullet fired out of this specific gun There isn’t such a thing as a effective vaccination You’ll definitely go deaf from excessive masturbation The human foreskin can be stretched enough to be a sleeping bag Keeping tabs on eating habits guarantees a decent shag This track’s a live performance but there’s some streaming lag Poland stole and revolved the pole that holds the indonesian flag Youtubers who do pranks are humorous and need thanks The reason being there’s huge demand for even deeper cheeky bants It’s ethical and legal There’s nothing they leave to chance I’m not rapping this track while wearing geeky pants Each grand piano has just a hundred keys Eighty eight above And then another dozen underneath It plays a special scale That only the deaf can tell and the letreros of the notes Are engraved and etched in braille Gucci and Chanel used to be fee ’cause they wouldn’t sell People used to have to fetch their internet from a well A wooden bucket full of someone else’s e-mails encrypted heiroglyphically to hide the detail Fact: The egyptians were the first to use emojis Filthy frank plays a new character, this dude Joji Each Disney movie’s rooted un a true story Bambi was banner in banbury for being too gory Jeremy Corbyn thought of forming a new tory party to restore the caucasian race to glory Fact: Stephen Frye doesn’t even like Hugh Laurie Fact: You will only reproduce ir you do doggy Humans don’t actually have five sense, we can physically detect what a twat mike pence is Harvey Weinstein never acts licentious, it’s just another actress trying to gaslight friendships Hey There’s no such thing as fake news It’s all true It’s against the law to misinform I a**ure you The core use of a tie pod’s for food Disagree? Don’t need to call me, I’ll call you You need to move back ‘Cause these are true facts A screwdriver to the ear will remove the loose wax You need to move back ‘Cause these are true facts No hispanic person’s ever take afternoon naps You need to move back ‘Cause these are true facts A sort of faded shade of puce is the new black You need to move back ‘Cause these are true facts Don’t bother trying to improve it doesn’t do jack And that’s the truth (the truth) You know it’s the truth (the truth) Because I spelled the word “truth” with a capital T