Dan Bern - Talkin' Alien Abduction Blues lyrics

I don't know what made me go out that night At that hour I'd normally been in bed But I found myself looking up at the sky And a very bright light straight overhead It flashed green, then red... Santa Claus colors I stood there frozen in that light Then I started hearing this kind of a whir The lights got louder and the noise got brighter And I felt a sudden chill--brrr It was cold... I shouldn't have gone out with a coat My Mom was right again Then this old big old spaceship floated down And hovered three feet above the earth Never been so scared in all my life Could've given spontaneous birth If I was a woman... and pregnant Then these two little guys about 4 feet tall Jumped off that space-age Greyhound bus They grabbed by the arms and said Start walking Dan, you're coming with us" Abduction They didn't actually speak, but I understood 'em Telepathy The strapped down to this metal crate Took out this 35-foot-long hose This said, "Don't worry, this won't hurt" Then they stuck that s**er up my nose All the way up I knew my nose was long, but... this was a surprise They examined me from head to toe Stuck prods in every orifice This cold gray box came and gave me a kiss Then extracted a couple of quarts of piss I felt dehydrated Then they waved this wand all around my head, said "Now we're reading your brain, you see You got an awful lot of songs in there Though it seems they're all in the key of G" I said, "What about Marilyn? That's in D" They said, "D flat, actually" I said, "Yeah, 'cause I tune down a half a step. What about Hannibal?" They said, "What about Hannibal?" I said, "Well, technically it's in G but it's really a dropped D tuning capo'd up" They said, "How come you don't play the harmonica more?" I said, "How come I'm in a spaceship talking to aliens about my act?" They said, "We'd rather talk physics, but you're illiterate there" Couldn't argue They dropped me some place in Brazil Took a month to get back to the U.S.A When I told my friends what I'd been through No one believed what I had to say That s**ed It's to be expected though Most people think "Hannibal"'s in straight tuning Well, my life's back to normal now I do the things I always do 'Cept once a week I meet with twelve other folks who've been abducted too I tell my story, they tell theirs I don't believe them, though