Dan Bern - Joe Christ lyrics

Joe Christ was Jesus' daddy He worked at the corner saloon Served up Shaefers' and Shlitzes For the mill workers starting around noon Joe Christ worked on the weekends And on the major holidays, you bet You know he would have tended bar on Christmas If Christmas had been invented yet One day his wife came in the bar Mary Christ did not come in most days She said Joe, there's something that I gotta tell you I'm pregnant, big with child, in the family way Joe Christ, he wrinkled up his brow He said babe you know I love you have no fear But you know on account of my condition We haven't actually done it in a year She said baby cakes, my honey pie, my Joe You know I would never lie to you It's the Lord himself, done it to me He brought along champagne and chocolate too It was magical, I just could not say no He had this French accent, and what's more He treated me just rough enough, how I like it I felt like a ten-thousand dollar who*e But Joe, Joe you gotta understand It didn't mean nothing, that's no lie I only seen him once and now I'm done with it Joe, you're my number one guy Joe Christ Joe Christ Joe Christ Deedle dee dee dee dee Joe Christ's gonna have himself a family Well Mary left the bar and Joe just stared He sighed the deepest sigh he ever had He poured himself a shot and said I guess I'm gonna kinda sorta be a dad Joe said, Shots of whisky on the house And thought, Diapers, Jesus, how can I afford-- And do I believe Mary's story Was it the milkman or really the Lord He thought well what choice do I have With my condition I can't get no other dame There's a critter on the way, that's the bottom line Don't really matter how it came Joe closed the tavern and came on home He found Mary sleeping on the couch He turned off the TV and the computer Rolled up some tobacco from his pouch Joe Christ he stood out on the front porch He looked up at the brightest star And he hoped that his kid would grow up healthy And in time take his place behind the bar Joe Christ Joe Christ Joe Christ Deedle dee dee dee dee Joe Christ's gonna have himself a family