Crudbump - Expert Chef lyrics

Girl, I saw you had... I saw you had a bunch of Lean Cuisine wrappers in the trashcan Don't you know that's no good? You deserve something finer You need fresh fruits, vegetables, some candies That's why I'm here for you, all you have to do is call I'll come over and prepare something nutritious That's what you need Make you a trail mix with full size Kit Kats Do it real quick, show me where the bowl is at Add some peanuts and mix em with some raisins Put some M&Ms in and top it with some Craisins I'm the Expert Chef I'm the Expert Chef Scrub a tub of cream cheese on a wheat pita Make a Frito pie and spell your name out in Velveeta I can decorate a cake I can decorate a cupcake, or a tray of cupcakes I'm the Expert Chef I'm the Expert Chef Little roll of Saran Wrap, I don't need very much Saran Wrap I'm an expert... I'm an expert I heard you wanted a hotdog, I don't cook hotdogs But if I did I would sous-vide em Put em on a plate and hold em out so you could see em And flush em down the crapper like an Oscar Mayer BM I'm the Expert Chef I'm the Expert Chef I can make a little Snicker bar salad All you need is Snicker bars, and a little talent Pair it with a piece of Chicken Pate And tell the sommelier to speak Francais I'm the Expert Chef I'm the Expert Chef Come on, baby, let's go... Let's go clear out the freezer You don't have to live like that no more Eating Smart Ones Having some old fake turkey gravy on some old fake potatoes I'll cook you real poatoes I'll cook you sweet potatoes I'll cook African potatoes I'll cook French potatoes I can scallop or squeeze them You know you don't... You don't have to have Hot Pockets no more, let's just... Let's get the trashcan and just throw it all out That's right We're living a different life now It's gonna be beautiful