Pardon me, is everybody here? Because if everybody's here, I Want to thank you all for coming to the wedding, I'd appreciate Your going even more, I mean you must have lots of better things To do, and not a word of this to Paul, remember Paul, you know, The man I'm gonna marry, but I'm not, because I wouldn't ruin Anyone as wonderful as he is-- Thank you all For the gifts and the flowers, Thank you all, Now it's back to the showers, Don't tell Paul, But I'm not getting married today. Listen, everybody, look, I don't know what you're waiting for, A wedding, what's a wedding, it's a prehistoric ritual Where everybody promises fidelity forever, which is Maybe the most horrifying word I ever heard of, which is Followed by a honeymoon, where suddenly he'll realize he's Saddled with a nut, and wanna k** me, which he should-- Thanks a bunch, But I'm not getting married-- Go have lunch, 'Cause I'm not getting married-- You've been grand, But I'm not getting married-- Don't just stand there, I'm not getting married-- And don't tell Paul, But I'm not getting married today. Go, can't you go? Why is no- Body listening? Goodbye Go and cry At another person's wake If you're quick For a kick You could pick Up a christening But please On my knees There's a human life at stake! Listen everybody, I'm afraid you didn't hear, or do you want to See a crazy lady fall apart in front of you, it isn't only Paul Who may be ruining his life, you know we'll both of us be losing Our identities, I telephoned my an*lyst about it and he said to See him Monday, but by Monday I'll be floating in the Hudson with The other garbage-- I'm not well, So I'm not getting married-- You've been swell, But I'm not getting married-- Clear the hall, 'Cause I'm not getting married-- Thank you all, But I'm not getting married-- And don't tell Paul, But I'm not getting married today. Go, can't you go? Look, you know I adore you all But why Watch me die , Like Eliza on the ice? Look, perhaps I'll collapse In the apse Right before you all, So take Back the cake, Burn the shoes and boil the rice. Look, I didn't wanna have to Tell you, but I may be coming Down with Hepatitis, and I Think I'm gonna faint, so if You wanna see me faint, I'll Do it happily, but wouldn't It be funnier to go and watch A funeral, so thank you for the Twenty-seven dinner plates, Thirty-seven bu*ter knives, Forty-seven paperweights, Fifty-seven candleholders-- One more thing-- I am not getting married! But I'm not getting married! Still I'm not getting married! See, I'm not getting married! That I'm not getting married Today!