Community - Social Psychology original script lyrics

FADE IN: 1 INT. SPANISH CLASSROOM - MORNING (DAY 1) 1 SR. CHANG is at the white board, finishing up a Spanish * lesson. * SR. CHANG ...hablamos hablar. Okay, before * we wrap up, I'd like to thank you * for filling out your anonymous * evaluation cards. I found your * suggestions to be largely * constructive and flattering. But * there was one of you whose * evaluation was so harsh, I took the * time to an*lyze the person's * handwriting against past exams. * (leaning into Annie) * And I noticed that this coward dots * her I's with hearts. Who's * “erratic and unstable” now, * princess gringo?! * (then, sweet) * Okay, see you tomorrow. * Everyone in our STUDY GROUP exits the cla**room with the rest * of the students. 2 INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE CLASSROOM - CONTINUOUS 2 JEFF and SHIRLEY walk in the same direction down the hall. SHIRLEY Nice day out today, isn't it? JEFF (like he forgot something) Yeah. Oh. Damn. Jeff starts back towards the cla**room as Shirley walks off. He runs into BRITTA. BRITTA Forget something? JEFF Yeah, I forgot to stagger the timing of my exit with Shirley's. (MORE) We both have an eleven o'clock all * the way across campus and I can't go that kind of distance with “Ooh, that's nice.” BRITTA That's mean. JEFF No... (doing Shirley) That's not nice. "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 1A. 2 CONTINUED: 2 JEFF (CONT'D) A3 EXT. QUAD - SECONDS LATER A3 Jeff and Britta walk together, out of the school building and onto the quad. * BRITTA I find Shirley very easy to talk to. And aren't you supposed to have, like, an olympic gold medal in jibber jabber? JEFF Yeah, but I'm a sprinter, I'm at my best during high speed bursts of wit. You lock me into Shirley's stride for a marathon banter about her brownies? The awkward silence is going to set in before we pa** the stoner tree. We see a tree where stoners are hanging out. VAUGHN, a hot, laid-back guy, plays hackey sack with no socks on and his * shirt in his back pocket. VAUGHN Hey, Britta. Hi. ‘Sup? BRITTA Hey, Vaughn. How's it going? VAUGHN No worries. JEFF (to Britta) Interesting. Cause I might worry if I played hackey sack a decade * too late. BRITTA My cla** is this way. * JEFF * Alright, but I just wanted to point * out that we easily walked more than * a hundred yards without a single * awkward pause, and that's the mark * of a true friend. So, nice walking * with you, friend. * "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 2. BRITTA * (sincere) * I'm glad you're not hitting on me * anymore. * JEFF * ...and there is the awkward pause. * FADE OUT. * END OF COLD OPEN "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 2A. A3 CONTINUED: A3 ACT ONE FADE IN: 3 INT. CAFETERIA - DAY 3 ANNIE runs up to PROFESSOR DUNCAN who is in line to pay. ANNIE Professor Duncan. Annie Edison, * I'm in your 101 lecture, I've heard * about your special psych lab -- * PROF. DUNCAN * Ah. The Duncan Principle. ANNIE * Yes, and I know it's limited to * second year students, but I had a * 4.0 at Riverside High, and I'm not * looking down on this school at all, * but I'm only here because of a * brief addiction to pills that I was * told would help me focus but they * actually made me lose my * scholarship and virginity. If I * could take your lab early, it would * be a real feather in my transcript. * PROF. DUNCAN I've been in this situation many times, so I'm going to be up front. I'm not allowed to date students. * Even though you are an eight, a * British ten. If, in spite of that, * you're still interested, you may join the lab. Annie jumps. PROF. DUNCAN (CONT'D) You need to bring two human subjects. It also wouldn't hurt * your chances if you could lend me a fiver. (while she gets one) I seem to have left my purse in my duffle, and my duffle in the boot of my lorry. Annie hands him five dollars. "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 3. PROF. DUNCAN (CONT'D) Brilliant. See you tomorrow, research a**istant. Annie squeals in something akin to ecstasy and hurries off. "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 3A. 3 CONTINUED: 3 A4 INT. CAFETERIA - CONTINUOUS A4 Jeff, ABED, PIERCE, Shirley, and TROY at a table near the coffee stand. Jeff looks on as Britta stands in the coffee line talking with Vaughn. Pierce makes a meal out of opening his express package. PIERCE What could this express package be? Someone needed to get me something fast. SHIRLEY You brought your mail to campus? PIERCE Didn't have time to open it at home. JEFF Plus, if you opened it at home, we wouldn't be able to see whatever it is you want us to see. PIERCE (opening package) Oh, yes. My Ear-Noculars. JEFF Perfect. TROY What is that? It looks like your Bluetooth thingie. Pierce turns his head. He has a Bluetooth headset in one ear. PIERCE No no no. This is my cell phone headset. This is Ear-Noculars. It's for spies and what have you. It gives you sonic hearing. ABED All hearing is sonic. PIERCE (not hearing) What's that? JEFF You might want to take that ear thing for a spin. Pierce looks through the Ear-Noculars literature. "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 4. PIERCE This is great. I'll be able to hear a violin from the balcony or the doorbell ring when I'm out gardening. JEFF So, it's a hearing aid. PIERCE (snapping) No! (composes himself) A hearing aid is for people who can't hear. Ear-Noculars are for people who can't hear enough. TROY (reading box) Eyes for your ears. That's freaky. Annie approaches. ANNIE So who wants to be in a psych experiment? Pierce has his Ear-Noculars on, unaware of Annie. PIERCE Guys, guys,... (conspiratorial) Annie's talking... about some kind of experiment. JEFF She's behind you. (to Annie) Not interested. ANNIE Come on, this is huge for me. I'd be the first Freshman to sit in on Professor Duncan's experiment. JEFF Is it the one where he proves that if you drink enough scotch, you forget you're not driving in England? "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 5. A4 CONTINUED: A4 ANNIE No, Jeff. It's supposed to be mindblowing. Pleeeease? You get paid. TROY Do they do stuff to your bu*t? ANNIE Uh... No. TROY Well, I'll do it anyway. Everyone but Annie looks at Troy, who minds his lunch, oblivious. "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 5A. A4 CONTINUED: A4 ANNIE Yay! How about you, Abed? It's tomorrow. ABED Oof. Tomorrow? They're showing all four Indiana Jones's at The Vista. I was really looking forward to the first three. I bought a whip. She stops walking and turns to face him, with puppy dog eyes. ANNIE This is really important to me, Abed. Could you please go as my friend. My really good friend? ABED Wow, I didn't realize we were really good friends. I figured we were more like Chandler and Phoebe. They never really had stories together. Sure, I'll do it, Chandler. ANNIE (hugging Abed) Oh, thank you, Abed. SHIRLEY That's nice. Off Shirley's “that's nice,” Jeff looks for Britta and notices she's still talking with Vaughn. JEFF (getting up) I better save Britta from that dude. SHIRLEY Yeah, she looks like she's in trouble. I hope he doesn't “handsome” her to d**h. Shirley watches Jeff approach Britta and Vaughn. JEFF Hey. VAUGHN Hi, what's up, hey. I'm Vaughn. Man, those shoes look comfortable. "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 6. A4 CONTINUED: A4 JEFF Thanks. You in line? VAUGHN Nah, just chillin. Hey, you're not gonna order a coffee are you? JEFF No, I was just seeing if Britta... VAUGHN Hey, no judgement at all, brah. I used to do coffee, but then I switched to green tea and it's like filled with antioxidants and stuff. It's pretty tight. JEFF (to Britta) Tight, yes. I've heard that about green tea. Britta doesn't look at Jeff. She smiles at Vaughn. BRITTA I like green tea. I should make the change. Back at the table, Pierce observes Britta and speaks studiously while touching his bionic ear. PIERCE Britta's making the change to green tea. 4 INT. EXPERIMENT ROOM - NEXT MORNING (DAY 2) 4 Prof. Duncan (now wearing a lab coat) addresses several psych student a**istants, including Annie. PROF. DUNCAN Welcome, research a**istants. * Annie claps. ANGLE ON the monitor. From a hidden camera perspective, we see Abed, Troy, and other students sitting in a waiting room. "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 7. A4 CONTINUED: A4 PROF. DUNCAN (CONT'D) If you turn your attention to the monitor, you will see our subjects are waiting for the experiment to begin, but... it's actually happening right now. The students GASP, they are into it. PROF. DUNCAN (CONT'D) You're welcome. "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 7A. 4 CONTINUED: 4 Prof. Duncan winks. Annie titters excitedly. PROF. DUNCAN (CONT'D) The waiting is the experiment. The * Duncan Principle is simple: The more control lost by - actually, I * should take this down, too. * (takes his own notes) * The more control lost by the ego, * the more gained by the id, resulting in a surprisingly predictable emotional eruption or * breaking point, * (southern accent) * known to ma and pa as a “tantrum.” * (waits for chuckle, gets it) Annie, please let our subjects know * that the experiment will start in five minutes. A smiling Annie crosses to the door. PROF. DUNCAN (CONT'D) (whispering to everyone) But it's never going to start. * Educated titters. Annie waves her hand over her face, going from a smile to a serious face. She opens the door into the waiting room. 5 INT. WAITING ROOM - CONTINUOUS 5 ANNIE Hi, everyone. Hi, Troy. Hi, Abed. * Oh, hi, Sr. Chang. * Sr. Chang is seated in the room as well. * SR. CHANG * Yeah, what, you don't think a * community college Spanish teacher could use the eighty bucks? ANNIE Okay. Well, we are running just a * little bit behind, so it's going to * be five -- * "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 8. 4 CONTINUED: 4 SR. CHANG No! Unacceptable! You say something is going to start at nine, it starts at nine! Don't * waste mi tiempo! Sr. Chang kicks over a chair and storms out. 6 INT. EXPERIMENT ROOM - CONTINUOUS 6 PROF. DUNCAN And we're off. * The students murmur in fascination. * 7 EXT. QUAD - LATER 7 Jeff exits the school building with Shirley and some other students. He bends down to tie his shoe, hoping Shirley will keep walking. When he stands, she is right there. SHIRLEY Did you know we walk the same way after cla**? I'm sure you didn't or else we would've been walking together, unless you're a jerk, just kidding. JEFF Ha. Let's do it. Jeff starts walking with her. SHIRLEY Oh hold on now, going a little too fast for these dogs. The walk is even slower. Long, awkward silence. They both * try to break it. JEFF (CONT'D) You have a kid, right? SHIRLEY How do you like Greendale? SHIRLEY (CONT'D) * What's that? JEFF Nothing. Shirley exhales. This is painful for her too. Long silence. * "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 9. 5 CONTINUED: 5 SHIRLEY Pierce is not exactly right in his head, is he? Jeff smiles. This perks him up. JEFF * Oh, I don't know, he seems like a * pretty normal guy, oh wait, he's * NUTS. * Shirley giggles. * SHIRLEY You better be careful, he might be listening with his Inspector Gadget hearing aid. You know that show? * JEFF * I do know that show. * SHIRLEY * Oh, and how about that Hackey Sack guy? Always around, flirting with Britta. It's embarra**ing. JEFF * (too loud) I know! He's the worst! * SHIRLEY * I mean, what is with that hair? JEFF It's perpetually moist. And the incessant evangelizing of green tea. No offense, but if I want medical advice, I'll get it from someone wearing socks. Shirley loves that one. They continue gabbing. * 8 INT. EXPERIMENT ROOM - LATER 8 Prof. Duncan stands in front of the monitor. He checks his watch. PROF. DUNCAN Okay, we're three hours in, let's review what we've seen. Pay close attention to every subject's breaking point. * "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 10. 7 CONTINUED: 7 ANGLE ON the monitor: Prof. Duncan fast forwards the tape. We start with a room full of subjects. Over time, we see Annie pop in and out of the room. One after another, frustrated subjects get up and leave. (The research a**istants take notes.) PROF. DUNCAN (CONT'D) (commenting on what he sees) Look at this one. He's a stomper... This one's a screamer... We got a bulemic... Look at the little one chase the big one, it's like Benny Hill... Fore!... Ooh, he just hit that girl... On the tape, all that remain now are Abed and Troy. Abed remains motionless while Troy slowly melts down and exits. * Abed is the only one left. He sits patiently, hands folded in his lap. Prof. Duncan leans closer to the screen. PROF. DUNCAN (CONT'D) Ah, I've seen this before. The longer they wait, the harder they break. Buckle up, students. (then, noticing) Does he have a whip? 9 EXT. QUAD - LATER 9 Shirley and Jeff sit on the bench, laughing. SHIRLEY Oh, and have you seen how often Hackey Sack takes his shirt off? * He'd play shirts and skins in a game of checkers. ** "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 11. 8 CONTINUED: 8 JEFF * I am so glad to be able to talk about that guy. I wanted to say something to Britta but we're * supposed to be friends now and * she'd think I was jealous. * SHIRLEY * I don't see why you and Britta aren't together. Two cute white people, going to school together, just seems right. JEFF Shirley, we're not pandas in a zoo. SHIRLEY (seeing something) Oh dear. Jeff looks. Britta and Vaughn make out on the quad. JEFF That is not what I want to see. Britta looks up, sees Jeff watching her. SHIRLEY And there goes the shirt. FADE OUT. END OF ACT ONE "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 12. 9 CONTINUED: 9 ACT TWO FADE IN: 10 INT. STUDENT LOUNGE - LATER 10 Britta approaches Jeff at a table. BRITTA Heeeey. JEFF Hi, there. Want me to check you * for gra** stains? BRITTA * That was... embarra**ing. * JEFF Oh, whatever. Seize the day, man, * life is short. Get up on that. * You know? All aboard the * dreamboat. * BRITTA I wasn't sure when or how to bring * up that I was hanging out with Vaughn. Figured you'd... make fun of him. And me. JEFF First of all, friends don't make fun of each other, and secondly, (mustering) * Vaughn seems cool. * Britta is impressed with Jeff. * BRITTA * You guys should hang out. Well, * I gotta go. That was tacky out * there, you'll never see it again. * JEFF No worries. "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 13. 11 EXT. QUAD - NEXT MORNING (DAY 3) 11 Pierce talks to Shirley as they exit the school building from before. He wears his Ear-Noculars and Bluetooth. PIERCE This thing is amazing. I could finally hear Mr. Chang from the back of the room. Too bad they don't make one of these for accents. What's that? What do you * mean you got a hold of some “sweet * weed”? * SHIRLEY Doesn't it get confusing with the * phone in one ear and that thing in * the other? * PIERCE It's called living in the modern * world. * His cell phone RINGS in his other ear. It's very loud for * Pierce and startles him. PIERCE (CONT'D) Hello. Mom? Yes, I'll visit soon. * What do you mean, “Do I want a * toke?” Wait. Who's about to bust * you? What pigs? What pigs are * coming? Just put Dad on. * As Pierce walks off contorting in confusion, Jeff hurries up * to Shirley. JEFF Shirley! Did you notice Sr. Chang's socks today? Tiny bull fighters. SHIRLEY I can top that. Did you see Hacky Sack wears an anklet? Jeff doesn't react. * SHIRLEY (CONT'D) * Since when won't you talk about * Vaughn? No fun. * "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 14. JEFF I'm trying to be a good friend to * Britta. She thought I'd make fun * of him and I want to be * unpredictable. I'm going to show * her I'm not the jerk she thinks I * am and friend the hell out of that * green tea drinking drum circler. * SHIRLEY Okay, but tell me you've noticed how small his nipples are. "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 14A. 11 CONTINUED: 11 JEFF Not engaging. SHIRLEY What? It's not gossip if it's fact. My kids have had hamsters with bigger nips. 12 INT. EXPERIMENT ROOM/WAITING ROOM - LATER 12 The room is a complete mess, littered with take-out food containers, crumpled pieces of paper and empty coffee cups. Prof. Duncan, Annie and the other research a**istants are bleary eyed, but they continue to watch the monitor. On the monitor, Abed happily sits in the same position. PROF. DUNCAN Is it on pause? ANNIE No, that's just him. Annie opens the door to the waiting room. ANNIE (CONT'D) Sorry you've been waiting... (checks her watch, sighs) twenty-six hours. It will be... five more minutes. ABED Okie doke. Annie closes the door and goes back to the experiment room. Prof. Duncan tugs at his hair. PROF. DUNCAN Why won't he leave?! * RESEARCH ASSISTANT #1 Professor, I have other cla**es I have to-- PROF. DUNCAN * Go! Fine! I hate you. Go k** * John Lennon again, you loser. * Research Assistant #1 leaves. Prof. Duncan turns to the monitor. "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 15. 11 CONTINUED: 11 PROF. DUNCAN (CONT'D) He's ruining my study! He's warping the Duncan Principle. Damn * you! Damn you, you outlying piece of datum! (punches monitor) Ow! (to Annie) * YOU! This is all your fault! * ANNIE But you told me to bring subjects. PROF. DUNCAN Subjects! Not Rain Man! I should * have never let you in this lab, little Miss know-it-all, Annie Fanny Panties in a bunch! ANNIE Oh, that's sooo hilaaarious! Did you think of that the last time you skipped a trip to the dentist? PROF. DUNCAN Let me answer that question with another question... (makes raspberry noises) Prof. Duncan starts yelling and stomping his feet in complete exasperation. The other research a**istants take notes on his behavior. He notices. PROF. DUNCAN (CONT'D) What are you doing?! Stop writing! He grabs one of their composition notebooks and throws it at * them. Terrified, the a**istants scramble to the door. * PROF. DUNCAN (CONT'D) Out! All of you! You're all a * bunch of dorks! * (points at Annie) * You destroyed the Duncan Principle! * "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 16. 12 CONTINUED: 12 Prof. Duncan exits, slamming the door behind him. Annie, * fuming, sits alone in the room. After a beat, she gets up and opens the door to the waiting room where Abed is waiting patiently. ANNIE Go home! * She slams the door shut. WE STAY ON Abed, alone in the room. ABED Cool. He gets up to go. 13 INT. CAFETERIA - LATER 13 Jeff sits with Britta and Vaughn. JEFF So Britta said you did a lot of community service? VAUGHN Ultimate Frisbee at the Senior's Center. It's amazing. JEFF And what makes frisbee ultimate? VAUGHN Aw, man, if I had a nickel for every time I wished someone asked me that. * "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 17. 12 CONTINUED: 12 Britta is happy they are getting along. BRITTA I'm gonna get dessert. Want anything? VAUGHN Uh, carrots? * JEFF I'm good. Britta exits. Shirley sees Jeff and Vaughn sitting together. She makes eye contact with Jeff and gives him a sh**-eating grin and saunters over. SHIRLEY Hey, you two. (to Vaughn) Well that's a cool shirt. VAUGHN Thanks. Jeff looks at Shirley like “what are you up to?” SHIRLEY Where's it from? VAUGHN Uh? Let me see. He takes his shirt off. Shirley, behind Vaughn's back, smiles big at Jeff. VAUGHN (CONT'D) Hanes. Cla**ic. SHIRLEY That's nice. Vaughn turns back to Jeff, still with his shirt off. While Vaughn talks to Jeff about volunteering, Shirley motions for Jeff to check out the nipples. So small. Where are they? Jeff tries not to laugh. VAUGHN You know, people underestimate the elderly, but you should see these guys out there throwing the bee, loving life. It's inspiring. JEFF I'll think about it. "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 18. 13 CONTINUED: 13 VAUGHN No worries. Better check on Brits. Vaughn exits. Shirley snickers while Jeff tries to suppress a laugh. JEFF You are the devil. Pierce and Troy walk up. PIERCE * Look what we've got here, Troy? A * good old-fashioned clique. JEFF We're not a clique. PIERCE I'm not naive. At Hawthorne Wipes, my corporate board was torn asunder by backstabbing and factionalism. I've also seen “Mean Girls.” (then) So, what's your plan? Pairing off by twos? You, Shirley. Me, Troy. TROY I haven't made a call on that yet. PIERCE We work so well as a group. Me, Annie, Brittles, the Arab boy,... * I just want you to think about that before you throw it all away for a sack of giggles. Pierce strides off, letting his words sink in. 14 INT. STUDENT LOUNGE - LATER 14 Britta and Jeff hang out. "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 19. 13 CONTINUED: 13 BRITTA You like Vaughn, right? * JEFF He's very cute. He's got... * shoulders. * BRITTA I'm worried that he's thinking more intensely about this thing than me. He says stuff, you know, after... JEFF After... school? BRITTA (means s**) After. JEFF (disgusted) You had s** with him? (forcing enthusiasm) What was it like? * BRITTA What? Forget that. * (flustered) * The problem now is he's calling me * babe and trying to hold my hand, it's getting relationship-y. And * he gave me, ugh, I can't. JEFF What? BRITTA You can't tell anyone about this. Britta hands over a piece of paper. Jeff looks at it. Remains stone faced. JEFF It's a poem. BRITTA How do I respond to something like * that? “Thank you”? * Jeff holds gold. "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 20. 14 CONTINUED: 14 JEFF * That's a difficult question. Which * I will answer, - oh, someone's * texting me. Jeff pulls his phone out. He holds it up in front of his face, between it and the poem. He pretends to study and operate the phone while adjusting the angle of the phone and the paper. JEFF (CONT'D) * (pretending to read) Just have to read this text, * aaaaand - MATCH CUT TO: 15 EXT. QUAD - LATER 15 Jeff is holding a printout of a photo he took of the poem. He reads it to Shirley. "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 20A. 14 CONTINUED: 14 JEFF (reading) Did you ever notice where the ocean meets the sky, did ya? It's the same wizard blue that I see in your eye, Brit-ta. SHIRLEY (giggling) Oh no, no, no. Wizard blue? JEFF Yes, yes, yes. SHIRLEY Oh, thank you. That has brightened my day. I'm so glad we can rip on that dude again. JEFF I'm trying to be a good friend to * Britta, but I mean, the guy wrote a * poem, right? Look. That's the * stain of a tear drop over the word, “rad.” Jeff and Shirley snicker. ANGLE ON Pierce, somewhere else on * the quad, his Ear-Noculars pointed in Jeff and Shirley's direction. He clearly doesn't like what he hears. 16 INT. STUDY ROOM - LATER 16 Abed and Troy are there. An exhausted Annie enters. TROY Hey, sorry for bailing on your psych experiment yesterday. ANNIE (snapping) That was the experiment, Troy. We were testing how long people would wait in the room. This wrinkles Troy's brain. TROY Whoa. "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 21. 15 CONTINUED: 15 ABED (understands; unphased) Oh, gotcha. ANNIE “Gotcha”?! That's all you have to say? You sat in a room for twenty- * six straight hours. No food, no water. Didn't that bother you? ABED (calm) Yes. I was livid. ANNIE Then why didn't you leave?! ABED Because you asked me to stay and you said we were friends. Annie doesn't know what to say. She sits down, ashamed. TROY Aw, man... (choking up) That's really beautiful. (then) Wait. Is this still part of the experiment? Jeff and Shirley enter, giggling and gabbing. JEFF ...no, no. He's more like a puppy with a fish mouth. SHIRLEY Right, right, right. Like this... Shirley does a Vaughn face. Jeff laughs. Pierce opens the door to the study room and strides in. PIERCE That's right. Laugh it up. You guys want to know what they're doing right now? Making fun of all of us. I heard you with my own Ear... Noculars. "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 22. 16 CONTINUED: 16 JEFF Pierce, we-- PIERCE Calling me “Hacky Sack,” ripping on my six pack abs and my moist hair. And apparently someone got a hold of my poem. And that face she was just making?... (imitates Shirley's “fish” face) That was obviously Annie. TROY Okay, this is definitely part of the experiment. SHIRLEY Pierce, we weren't making fun of you. JEFF We were talking about Britta's boyfriend, Vaughn. PIERCE (on a dime) Oh, okay. Good. (sits down; rubs hands together) But if we're gonna do something, let's do it as a team. I'll get the ball rolling. Maybe he has a tiny penis. TROY Who is this guy? SHIRLEY Oh, you all have to see him. Everything's, “no worries, no worries.” And he always has to say three greetings in a row. And show them the poem. Shirley takes Vaughn's poem print out from Jeff and hands it * over. JEFF Oh, maybe don't show that. I don't think we should-- BRITTA (O.S.) I should be done in an hour. "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 23. 16 CONTINUED: 16 Shirley hears Britta and hides the poem printout under a bag. * Britta and Vaughn are now standing in the entry way. VAUGHN No worries. TROY He just said it! BRITTA Hey guys, you've met Vaughn, right? VAUGHN Hey. What's up. Hi. Shirley holds up three fingers. The group tries not to laugh but can't hold it in. PIERCE (whispering too loud) He's a fool. VAUGHN Whoa, this group's got a case of the giggles. Tight. Vaughn sits down at the table, moving the bag out of his way. His poem is revealed. VAUGHN (CONT'D) Is that? (to Britta) You showed them my poem? * BRITTA No. PIERCE (laughing; hands poem to Vaughn) Read it. VAUGHN You guys are laughing at me, aren't you? That's uh, wow. (to Britta) I thought you were cooler than this. Vaughn leaves. Britta is pissed. BRITTA (to Jeff) I can't believe you. "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 24. 16 CONTINUED: 16 SHIRLEY Honestly Jeff, how dare you? Jeff shoots Shirley a look. Britta shakes her head at Jeff * and goes after Vaughn. * PIERCE (with Ear-noculars) He's crying. And now he's barking. FADE OUT. END OF ACT TWO "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 25. 16 CONTINUED: 16 ACT THREE FADE IN: 17 EXT. QUAD - LATER 17 An angry Jeff walks across the quad. Shirley catches up with him. SHIRLEY Jeff, wait! I'm sorry I sold you out. JEFF Britta's never going to forgive me. * I can't believe I showed you that poem - good lord, when did my life * become an episode of Degra**i High? * SHIRLEY * (indicates nearby bench) * Can we talk? Jeff sighs and sits with Shirley. SHIRLEY (CONT'D) Jeff. I have a gossip problem. JEFF I'm not a real supporter of this word but... duh. SHIRLEY I stir the pot, Jeff. I'm a pot * stirrer. This isn't the only study group I've had this year. See those ladies over there? ANGLE ON a group of African American women hanging out together. One of them gives Shirley a dirty look. SHIRLEY (CONT'D) I was in that group until they kicked me out. They call me “Tattle-ina.” (then) It's a bumblebee nickname. It's cute but it stings. Jeff looks over at Shirley's former study group. "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 26. JEFF Look how big that woman's earrings are. It's like little dogs should be jumping through ‘em. Shirley puts her fist to her mouth, using every bit of strength not to gossip. SHIRLEY (high pitched) Mmmmmmmm. (determined; re: Jeff and her) This is never going to work. It's * got to end. JEFF Shirley. Don't do this. We can * still hang out. We just won't bag on people. SHIRLEY (laughs) Come on, Jeff. What are we gonna talk about? My kids? Your old doctor career? JEFF I was a lawyer. SHIRLEY See? I'm already bored. JEFF Well, we'll always have “tiny nipples.” Shirley smiles. Jeff starts off. SHIRLEY Jeff! Wait! Jeff stops and turns. SHIRLEY (CONT'D) I know I shouldn't, but just one last gossip. Britta told me she had a s** dream about you. You still have a chance. JEFF * Details. * "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 27. 17 CONTINUED: 17 SHIRLEY * Mmmmm! * Shirley puts a fist to her mouth and runs away as Jeff stands * there pensively. * "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 27A. 17 CONTINUED: 17 18 INT. CAFETERIA/STUDENT LOUNGE - NEXT DAY (DAY 4) 18 * Annie approaches Abed who eats at a table. She holds a gift. ANNIE Abed, here. I wanted to say sorry for yelling at you. You were being a good friend and I was really selfish. He looks in the gift bag. ABED Indiana Jones, cool. ANNIE I just got you the first three because... ABED (touched) The fourth one blows. They share a smile. ABED (CONT'D) We're cool. Professor Duncan approaches. DUNCAN Oh Annie, there you are. You know, * after I went home and drank and * slept and drank some more, I realized it was I who had reached a * breaking point. I had been the * subject of my own study. And I LOVED it. Not only was the Duncan * Principle upheld, I now have even * more reason to study it. We're * running some new trials tonight if * you'd like to a**ist. * Annie looks at Abed then at the Professor. * ANNIE * Actually, Professor, I think I'm * watching movies tonight, with a * friend. Annie and Abed walk away. Duncan is at a loss. * Jeff walks by, towards Britta in the student lounge. * "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 28. BRITTA Don't want to talk to you. * JEFF * I know, I'm sorry. Really, really * sorry. And I can go talk to Vaughn * if you want me -- * BRITTA * Vaughn broke up with me. * JEFF * (happy) * Oh. * (sympathetic) * Oh. * BRITTA * You broke my trust. You s**. * JEFF * I'm sorry. I was in a tough * position, I needed to vent, so I * showed Shirley the poem. I * couldn't handle being just one of * the girls. * BRITTA * But I liked you as one of the * girls. What do you want to be? * JEFF * I don't know, is there a spot on * the friendship spectrum between * total stranger and having to hear * about the guys you date? Ideally, * one notch underneath driving you to * the airport and painting your * kitchen? * BRITTA * I think we can work something out. * JEFF * Great. * "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 28A. 18 CONTINUED: 18 Britta gets up to leave. * JEFF (CONT'D) * And if I'm occasionally naked in your dreams, I won't complain. BRITTA Shirley. JEFF She has a real problem. She stirs * the pot. She's a pot stirrer. * 19 EXT. QUAD - DAY 19 A down Vaughn approaches the stoner tree. His STONER FRIEND * kicks him the hackey sack. Vaughn misses it. * VAUGHN * Sorry ‘bout that. * STONER FRIEND * Hey, no worries. * Vaughn looks his friends in the eyes, and gives them this * warning... * VAUGHN * Some worries. Some worries. * His friends seem dismayed to hear this is possible. The * world is changing again. * 20 EXT. QUAD - CONTINUOUS 20 * Jeff walks alone, sad. A student in a weird outfit walks by. * JEFF * Shirley would say something funny * about that. * Jeff looks up and sees Shirley walking toward him. He * smiles, but then sees she's walking with Britta. * SHIRLEY * Well you know... * (inaudible gossip) * ...Jeff. Shhh. * They pa** him and laugh. * JEFF * Oh no. * "Community" - #104 - "Social Psychology" - Pink Revised - 8/24/09 29-30. 18 CONTINUED: 18 Jeff runs over to Pierce. * JEFF (CONT'D) * Where's your Ear-thing? * PIERCE * Got rid of it. Jeff, there are * certain things man is not meant to * hear. We were designed, by * whatever entity you choose, to hear * what's in this range... * (motions around him) * And this range alone. Because, you * know who's talking to us in this * range? The people we love. * Pierce walks away, leaving Jeff to ponder this. * JEFF * He heard us call him Inspector * Gadget. * FADE OUT