College Humor - Det Satan Club lyrics

Guy 1: Hello Christian internet. Welcome to our black metal weblog Det Satan Club. Guy 2: Det Satan Club! (Cue music) Yaghhhhhhhhhh Deep in the bowels of Norway Where every church has third-degree burns Det Satan Club presents Pictures Pictures Pictures for Christians (Music ends) Guy 1: You Christians love to see pictures of your precious Jesus, suffering on the cross. Guy 2: You love it Guy 1: But we are Satanists. We desecrate what you love by creating images of Jesus in comfortable positions. Like (Cue music) Jesus in a bubble bath Jesus in a bubble bath Making suds and having fun Jesus lounging poolside Jesus in a chaise lounge Sipping on delicious drinks Jesus getting beauty rest Jesus making sure he doesnt End up getting crows feet (Music ends) Guy 1: Christians hate to see pictures of your Jesus so comfortable. Guy 2: It makes you rigid with fear Guy 1: If you saw Jesus inyoga pants, youre- f- youd- f- youd sh** yourself. You- your face would sh**. Guy 2: Your face would sh** Guy 1: Cause you fight us. You Christians love to fight. Especially with other religions. Guy 2: You love fighting with them! Guy 1: But we are Satanists. We desecrate what you love by creating images of a world where (Cue music) All religions get along Christians and m**ms Jews and the other ones Riding tandem bicycles Maybe at a sleepover The Christians and m**ms will have Slug wars in sleeping bags Slug wars equal friendship (End music) Guy 1: We imagine a world where Christians and Jews and m**ms play Pictionary together. And not the way family members play where they are at each others throats, but the way strangers play where they are on their best behaviour. Guy 2: Pictionary is fun without the family politics! Guy 1: You Christians love imagining that the world will end when four horsemen arrive to signal the apocalypse. Guy 2: So do we*pause* (Cue music) But the horsemen are cool dudes Frosted tips and visors Having fun on seadoos Helping kids with homework High-fiving people with self-esteem problems While Satan watches thinking (Music ends) Satan: Yesthis pleases me.