Cole Porter - The Tale of the Oyster lyrics

Down by the sea lived a lonesome oyster Every day getting sadder and moister He found his home life awf'lly wet And longed to travel with the upper set Poor little oyster Fate was kind to that oyster we know When one day the chef from the Park Casino Saw that oyster lying there And said "I'll put you on my bill of fare." Lucky little oyster See him on his silver platter Watching the queens of fashion chatter Hearing the wives of millionaires Discuss their marriages and their love affairs Thrilled little oyster See that bivalve social climber Feeding the rich Mrs. Hoggenheimer Think of his joy as he gaily glides Down to the middle of her gilded insides Proud little oyster After lunch Mrs. H. complains And says to her hostess, "I've got such pains I came to town on my yacht today But I think I'd better hurry back to Oyster Bay." Scared little oyster Off they go through the troubled tide The yacht rolling madly from side to side They're tossed about till that fine young oyster Finds that it's time he should quit his cloister Up comes the oyster Back once more where he started from He murmured, "I haven't a single qualm For I've had a taste of society And society has had a taste of me." Wise little oyster