Listen for a while And I'll tell you the story Of How I fell in love with The Rose Of Tralee It was about five o'clock in the morning I was only after gettin' off the mail boat. I was walking down the North Wall Minding me own business With me suitcase under me arm Sitting down every minute 'Til a voice behind me went Hello, hello, hello Where do you think you're going At this hour of the morning? I turned around And who do you think was standin' behind me Only the Rose of Tralee And she wearin' a grand new blue Ban Gardaí's uniform I thought she was a super How's it going there Rose Jasus girleen the last time I saw you Was down below there in The Dome Upstairs in the tent with Gaybo in the Pretty Polly tights And all them beauty queens from Tashkent, Istanbul, Bangkok and Liverpool and........... How's she cuttin there Rose... Can you account for your movements sez she Ah Rose, there's no need to be like that But I can give you all the movements you want You'd better sharpen your pencil You're goin' to be busy little woman Christy's got a memory like a super-gra** I can remember things that never happened at all, The first thing I can remember Is the 7th of May 1945 At the back of Donnelly's Hollow The night before Pa Connolly drove the Roadstone lorry Into the Seven Springs And St. Brigid started rollin' out the Tintawn Across the Curragh of Kildare Then I woke up one morning It was after gettin conscripted into the altar boys I was ringin the bells and swingin the thurible Sure the smell of the incense Would remind you of the inside of an Arab's tent And no sign of Ghaddafi nowhere In those days Down in Newbridge Co. Kildare An altar boy would get a pound for a funeral Two pound for a wedding And a good kick up in the arse If he didn't put enough wine in the chaliceAt he early ma**. Ah!"Ita Missa Est" says Rose "Gloria Tibi Domine" says I I didn't know you had to have the Latin To get into Templemore I love to hear the old bit of Latin The old Tridentine "Kyrie Eleison" I can't stand them Folk Ma**es All them trendy priestsTrippin' over each other To sing balladsAt half time in the Bingo Sure the Nine First FridaysNever k**ed anyone Well! The next thing I knew, Rose I was servin' me time to be A corner boy up in the Curragh Camp I was trying to teach the sheep how to talk Irish Then I got a job selling lambs balls to mushroom farmers That couldn't afford horsesh**e One day I was walkin' across the Curragh of Kildare And I fell into an officer's mess I ended up in the F.C.A. Squarebashin' around the wet canteen Until the commanding officer heard That me Granny once confessed To a fellow whose Sister's brother in law was Married to a man whoseFirst cousin used to fill Hot water bottles for Patrick SarsfieldBefore the battle of Clongorey I had to go on the run. Gubu Gubu *Gubu Gubu I ran so fast thatI ended up in Paddington A million miles away from The Land Of saints and scholars I was Diggin' Footins Scrapin' Pots Pullin' cable Startin' Drotts Boilin' Kettles Makin' Tea Diggin' Deep Rose and Thrown Away I was a disposable PaddyServin' me time to be a Co-Pilot on a kango hammer in Shepherd's Bush Doin' 86 MPH on a JCB down the Kilburn High Road When the SPG flagged me down and held me under the PTA Until I got away and went underground with the Green Murphy One Thursday night I was headin' down the Hammersmith Broadway I met a friend of mine from Ballaghadereenin the Co. Roscommon Who was a demolition expert - Georgian houses were his speciality Any chance for a start?What would you know about demolition? (I've been well known to demolish a rake of large bottles) Well, Monday mornin' came Myself, Roger Sherlock, Liam Farrell,Martin Byrnes, Raymond Roland Tony Rohr We was paintin' a door We gave her six coats and three coats more- that was just the undercoat The ganger was fond of a tune-thursday never came too soon We were gettin' five pounds a day and all we could ate But it's an awful job Tryin' to eat all day To make a long story short, Rose I went lookin' for digs I went up and knocked at the door,this big English woman comes out Took one look at me and she went Get away from my door sez she There'll be absolutely no blacks nor paddies gettin' in here.' So I let on I was a white South African And I tried to join the British Army to better myself I volunteered as sub-contractor buildin' houses with no doors nor handles on them The recruiting officer says to me 'What ye bin doin' lately then, Paddy? I was helpin' O'Brien to shift it Sir says I Before that I was spreadin' the toxic all over the Golden Vale Helpin' Mr. Gallagher cover Stephen's Green in concrete Sir Helpin' Sam Stevenson block all the daylight out of Dublin Helpin' Dr. Smurfit relocate the Liffey Helpin' Lord O'Reilly to count the golden beans I was dolin' out the Diddly-Eye for Dr. Darragh Puttin in the bugs for Cathaoirleach Vacuum packin' T-Bone steaks for Larry Maith an Fear seekin' out the heart of the Green Core. Bejasus Paddy you're overqualified for the British Army I'm afraid I'll have to deport you out of England. And he did......Total Exclusion Here I am, RoseAr ais arís This is some welcome for a returned emmigrant Céad Míle Fáilte my arse With your pioneer pin and your fáinneAnd your white star for not cursing Jaysus, it would be more in your line togive me a lift in the squad car into town And she did. There wew were Cruisin' down Capel Street in the White Squad Looking for the Early Morning House Will ye look Rose There's Paddy Slattery. 'You're welcome home, Christy', says Paddy Big Slate! 'I suppose you and your girlfriend are looking for a drink' Well, off came the cap. She flung it into the back seat of the squad And in with her like a bat out a hell (left right, left right) 'I'll have a Brandy with a small drop of Port I never drink pints when I'm on duty' Brandy and Port! T'was like throwin' water into a barrel of sawdust She lowered it up andof course..........No wallet Roll on the Holy Hour', says I I'll see you tonight sez she 'twill be my twist' Ladies and Gentlemen there I was outside the GPO waitin for The most beautiful Kerry woman in the whole wide world Here she comes, Holy Mother of Sweet Divine Jesus in Heaven would you ever look at.that .... Sashaying down the Boulevardin her Doc's and her 501's Hey Rose!..... Over here........ 'What's on your mind big fellah' says she to me (I was wearin me platforms) I wouldn't mind a bit of a dance, Rose She took me to a discoin the Gardai club in Harcourt Street Le Baton Rouge.........A tidy little spot up Harcourt Street Watch out for the quadruple parking, bald tyres and no tax discs In there.. Wall to wall moustaches, gay bikers on acid Myself and the Rose of Tralee danced the night away Until about five O'clock in the morning when says she to me 'Fancy comin' back to my place then Lofty?' Does a bear sh**e in the woods? Away with us, me hangin out of her on the back of the Honda50 Up through Rathmines and Rathgar into Ranelagh, Pullin into the 24-7 open 9-11, 6 days a week Two donor kebabs and the Leinster Leader Up to her place thenTwo up, two down, She pulled the cork out of the Blue Nun And I got sick all over the Rottweiler And she put some music onLovely new CD.,,,,,, Daniel "Oh then fare thee well sweet Donegal The Roses and Gweedore" Oh Rose. Oh Daniel Ah Here,I suppose a rasher sandwichis out of the question? That's how I met up with The Roseof Tralee