Chieftaine - Going Through Changes lyrics

Chorus: I'm going through changes (x2) Verse 1: Lately, I don't really see an end to this depression I've bottled it up and now I'm less content while under pressure Life lessons have hit me with less of an effect And I'm stressing while I guess how long is left before I rest So now I'm restless, heart is shattered while I think about the past And I try to see my future through a wall of broken gla** Thought's are clashing, heart my is swallowed in the midst of all these actions From the lives that pa** to suicide and fatal car crashes I try to think about it, grasp and rationalize Why it's not only my life I see pa**ing me by Why I always seem to see my life flash in my eyes And why I'm rapping when I feel no pa**ion or drive to continue When I'm on the brink to end with the nine But it's like I'm out of ink in the pen in my mind But I'm beginning to find the sparks I need, but they're burning me I'm fearing that my gift to rap will leave with my maturity Chorus Verse 2: I've been too down to try and live it up I start to see less meaning in all this written stuff In my attempts to keeping trust balanced, I started slipping up I try to get it up, but you show me how easy giving up is And what am I supposed to do but to follow your role? I lost all my pride when I was forced to swallow it whole When you had a team to start and now you finish alone From arrests to economic d**hs of innocent souls But within this abode I have no reason to complain And when I'm told that, It's only adding lesions to my pain Just when I thought that I was maybe leaving the rain But it's only adding reasons why I'm needing to change It's only secondary pain, but too much to tell apart What's the point? Dirty needles still infecting our hearts So when y'all are shooting up, watch the bullets fall down They k** the ones that you love, burying their hearts in the ground Chorus Verse 3: I've made a mistake, I lost my last and only friend Now tell me, how am I supposed to feel happy again? Tell me why I shouldn't quit and try to search for the end I don't want to go another day hurting again Now everybody asks, "what could be hurting so bad?" Well maybe it was for the near d**h of my Dad Or maybe cause I never see an end to this sadness I've had to say goodbye to every friend I've ever had So I've been wearing a mask to scare all people away I'm glad you took it off, but not to sneak it away I'm sorry man bout how it had to end this way But a tornado had to crash our home to mend the gray You can diminish the pain without sparking the lighter I thought that all of the negatives would have made my darks brighter But instead of the latter, I just destroyed my life And that just makes it so much harder to avoid the knife Chorus Verse 4: I've said goodbye too many times in this last 16 But I refuse to repeat it until my last 16 But will I pa** 16? or will I grasp this dream? Without shooting up, I've got the means to blast and gleam At last it seems that maybe I'll surpa** these scars And I can write for different means than breaking gla** with bars Write em or live behind em, life's philosophy Whether I'll go to jail or pa** go, it's monopoly I can't just hold it in till d**h to let the bottle pour I've got three siblings that I've got to role model for "I was never getting high so I was always feeling low" But when you're getting low, where does that feeling of high go? It all just dissipates with every bit of your pride So where do you go? to more d** or suicide? I refuse to be an example of another wasted life You'll have to k** me yourself cause I'm replacing this knife With a scalpel just so I can change the face of the earth I've seen too many closed eyes, you've got to face it, it hurts To know you ruined your whole life in but a blink of an eye Staring contests with depression, on the brink of alive I'm changing Chorus