The Soloists: Whether you are pro or anti, Or could not care less, We are here to tell you We are here to sell you chess. Not a chance of you escaping From our wiles, We've locked the doors, We've blocked the aisles, We've a franchise worth exploiting And we will, yes we will! When it comes to merchandising We could k**. Female Soloists: When you get up Male Soloists: When you get up in the morning Soloists: Till your bedtime book, You will have to live your life With bishop, knight, and rook. Male Soloists: Clean your teeth with Checkered toothpaste, Wear our vests. Female Soloists: Our kings, and queens On bouncing breasts. Soloists: You could even buy a set, And learn to play. We don't mind, We'll sell you something Anyway. We've done all Our market research, And our finding show That this game of chess Will be around a month or so. Maybe it's a bit confusing For a game, But Rubik's cubes Were much the same. In the end The whole world bought one All were gone, By which time We merchandisers Had moved on! By which time We merchandisers Had moved on!