Charles Heron Wall - The Miser (Act 2 Scene 1) lyrics

SCENE I.——CLÉANTE, LA FLÈCHE. CLE. How now, you rascal! where have you been hiding? Did I not give you orders to…? LA FL. Yes, Sir, and I came here resolved to wait for you without stirring, but your father, that most ungracious of men, drove me into the street in spite of myself, and I well nigh got a good drubbing into the bargain. CLE. How is our affair progressing? Things are worse than ever for us, and since I left you, I have discovered that my own father is my rival. LA FL. Your father in love? CLE. It seems so; and I found it very difficult to hide from him what I felt at such a discovery. LA FL. He meddling with love! What the deuce is he thinking of? Does he mean to set everybody at defiance? And is love made for people of his build? CLE. It is to punish me for my sins that this pa**ion has entered his head. LA FL. But why do you hide your love from him? CLE. That he may not suspect anything, and to make it more easy for me to fall back, if need be, upon some device to prevent this marriage. What answer did you receive? LA FL. Indeed, Sir, those who borrow are much to be pitied, and we must put up with strange things when, like you, we are forced to pa** through the hands of the usurers. CLE. Then the affair won't come off? LA FL. Excuse me; Mr. Simon, the broker who was recommended to us, is a very active and zealous fellow, and says he has left no stone unturned to help you. He a**ures me that your looks alone have won his heart. CLE. Shall I have the fifteen thousand francs which I want? LA FL. Yes, but under certain trifling conditions, which you must accept if you wish the bargain to be concluded. CLE. Did you speak to the man who is to lend the money? LA FL. Oh! dear no. Things are not done in that way. He is still more anxious than you to remain unknown. These things are greater mysteries than you think. His name is not by any means to be divulged, and he is to be introduced to you to-day at a house provided by him, so that he may hear from yourself all about your position and your family; and I have not the least doubt that the mere name of your father will be sufficient to accomplish what you wish. CLE. Particularly as my mother is dead, and they cannot deprive me of what I inherit from her. LA FL. Well, here are some of the conditions which he has himself dictated to our go-between for you to take cognisance of, before anything is begun. "Supposing that the lender is satisfied with all his securities, and that the borrower is of age and of a family whose property is ample, solid, secure, and free from all incumbrances, there shall be drawn up a good and correct bond before as honest a notary as it is possible to find, and who for this purpose shall be chosen by the lender, because he is the more concerned of the two that the bond should be rightly executed." CLE. There is nothing to say against that. LA FA. "The lender, not to burden his conscience with the least scruple, does not wish to lend his money at more than five and a half per cent." CLE. Five and a half per cent? By Jove, that's honest! We have nothing to complain of. LA FL. That's true. "But as the said lender has not in hand the sum required, and as, in order to oblige the borrower, he is himself obliged to borrow from another at the rate of twenty per cent., it is but right that the said first borrower shall pay this interest, without detriment to the rest; since it is only to oblige him that the said lender is himself forced to borrow." CLE. The deuce! What a Jew! what a Turk we have here! That is more than twenty-five per cent. LA FL. That's true; and it is the remark I made. It is for you to consider the matter before you act. CLE. How can I consider? I want the money, and I must therefore accept everything. LA FL. That is exactly what I answered. CLE. Is there anything else? LA FL. Only a small item. "Of the fifteen thousand francs which are demanded, the lender will only be able to count down twelve thousand in hard cash; instead of the remaining three thousand, the borrower will have to take the chattels, clothing, and j**els, contained in the following catalogue, and which the said lender has put in all good faith at the lowest possible figure." CLE. What is the meaning of all that? LA FL. I'll go through the catalogue:— "Firstly:—A fourpost bedstead, with hangings of Hungary lace very elegantly trimmed with olive-coloured cloth, and six chairs and a counterpane to match; the whole in very good condition, and lined with soft red and blue shot-silk. Item:—the tester of good pale pink Aumale serge, with the small and the large fringes of silk." CLE. What does he want me to do with all this? LA FL. Wait. "Item:—Tapestry hangings representing the loves of Gombaud and Macée.1 Item:—A large walnut table with twelve columns or turned legs, which draws out at both ends, and is provided beneath with six stools." CLE. Hang it all! What am I to do with all this? LA FL. Have patience. "Item:—Three large matchlocks inlaid with mother-of-pearl, with rests to correspond. Item:—A brick furnace with two retorts and three receivers, very useful to those who have any taste for distilling." CLE. You will drive me crazy. LA FL. Gently! "Item:—A Bologna lute with all its strings, or nearly all. Item:—A pigeon-hole table and a draught-board, and a game of mother goose, restored from the Greeks, most useful to pa** the time when one has nothing to do. Item:—A lizard's skin, three feet and a half in length, stuffed with hay, a pleasing curiosity to hang on the ceiling of a room. The whole of the above-mentioned articles are really worth more than four thousand five hundred francs, and are reduced to the value of a thousand crowns through the considerateness of the lender." CLE. Let the plague choke him with his considerateness, the wretch, the cut-throat that he is! Did ever anyone hear of such usury? Is he not satisfied with the outrageous interest he asks that he must force me to take, instead of the three thousand francs, all the old rubbish which he picks up. I shan't get two hundred crowns for all that, and yet I must bring myself to yield to all his wishes; for he is in a position to force me to accept everything, and he has me, the villain, with a knife at my throat. LA FL. I see you, Sir, if you'll forgive my saying so, on the high-road followed by Panurge2 to ruin himself—taking money in advance, buying dear, selling cheap, and cutting your corn while it is still gra**. CLE. What would you have me do? It is to this that young men are reduced by the accursed avarice of their fathers; and people are astonished after that, that sons long for their d**h. LA FL. No one can deny that yours would excite against his meanness the most quiet of men. I have not, thank God, any inclination gallows- ward, and among my colleagues whom I see dabbling in various doubtful affairs, I know well enough how to keep myself out of hot water, and how to keep clear of all those things which savour ever so little of the ladder; but to tell you the truth, he almost gives me, by his ways of going on, the desire of robbing him, and I should think that in doing so I was doing a meritorious action. CLE. Give me that memorandum that I may have another look at it. Footnotes: 1. An old comic pastoral. 2. The real hero in Rabelais' 'Pantagruel.'