Chad Mitchell - The Draft Dodger Rag lyrics

We've licked pneumonia and TB And plagues that used to mock us We've got the onus on the Sun The small pox cannot pock us We found the antibodies for the staphylostreptococcus But oh the universal curse From Vietnam to Corea The bug of bugs that bugs us still And begs for panacea Oh who will find the antidote for Pentagonorrhea I'm just a typical American boy from a typical American town I believe in God and Senator Dodd and a-keepin' old Castro down And when it came my time to serve I knew "better dead than red" But when I got to my old draft board, buddy, this is what I said Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen And I always carry a purse I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat, my asthma's getting worse Consider my career, my sweetheart dear, my poor old invalid aunt Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a-goin' to school And I'm working in a defense plant I've got a dislocated disc and a wracked up back And I'm allergic to flowers and bugs And when a bombshell hits, I get epileptic fits And I'm addicted to a thousand d** I got the weakness woes, and I can't touch my toes I can hardly reach my knees And if the enemy ever came close to me Well I'd probably start to sneeze Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen And I always carry a purse I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat, my asthma's getting worse Consider my career, my sweetheart dear, my poor old invalid aunt Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a-goin' to school And I'm working in a defense plant I hate Chou En Lai, and I hope he dies But I think you gotta see That if someone's gotta go over there That someone isn't me So have a ball Sarge, watch'em ball While you k** me a thousand or so And if you ever get a war without any gore Well I'll be the first to go Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen And I always carry a purse I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat, and my asthma's getting worse Consider my career, my sweetheart dear I gotta water me rubber tree plant Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a-goin' to school And I'm working in a defense plant Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen And I always carry a purse I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat, my asthma's getting worse Consider my career, my sweetheart dear, my poor old invalid aunt Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a-goin' to school And I'm working in a defense plant