Cash Jordan - Am I lyrics

[Verse 1] Decent man, with some common flaws Now that I'm looking back, I guess I am my father's boy I guess got a couple problems, 1 or 2, or prolly more I guess got a conscious, as of late, we've been kinda off and on We took time apart and I don't really know who's bothered more I don't really know who offers more I'm feeling like Apostle Saul Too much weighin' on my brain and it hurts my mental I don't think I like that person that I'm turnin' into Lookin' into my mama's eyes, she cried out her heart for me She looked up to pray to God to break whatever hardened me She's got hypertension, always said it's due in part to me People that knew me before can't seem to get used to the darker me Then I step out of line and take these lines from my life and write you rap bars All because me and my team had dreams of cream and becoming high school rap stars And smashing white girls cause we mastered black arts Hope it don't give me a black hear These are just another young black's thoughts [Verse 2] But I ain't finished Ain't talked to my grandmama in a minute She could be gone at any minute She used to call my cell phone, but I ain't pick it f**ed up, cause she knew she had the right digits, knew I wasn't busy Got a message from her once when I was poppin' pillies Got me feelin sh**ty, brushed it off real quick In couple minutes I'll be fine, won't feel sh** My little sis looks up to me as a role model Now, that's f**ed up cause I know she's got her own problems I told her that she's wildin' and that she should do her own thing Told me that she would, turned around and did the Cole thing Walks like me, talks like me and she's starting to become a little dark like me And it's not likely that she won't be kinda off And cold in her heart like me I brushed off folks that loved me, ones that put nothin' above me Now a lot think nothin' of me, oh, god, this is f**in' ugly I just want to make it right, but lost my sense of direction Off in a senseless descension, with lack of lesson retention Born in the A with a chip on my shoulder My dick in my hand, and a clip in the chrome And a grip on the toaster, a huggie and hip as the holster Intelligent Ignorant soldier My younger self point at me and said that "I don't wanna be this when I'm older." Tell me when we all became colder? I hoping that it's not like this 'til I'm over