Camlove - Sense of Disbelieving lyrics

An Open Letter To Society Dear World, First off, I have to ask why things are so disheartening sometimes. I mean, maybe it's the fact that human beings were both blessed and cursed with consciousness. Consciousness allows us to build and create, but also allows us to dismantle and destroy. Our collective human experience, for example, brought us The Twin Towers, but also brought the hate and anger that brought them down. It's a double edged sword in a lot of ways. One of my friends said that life is like a cliff, in the way that the view from the cliff is incredible, but once you jump off it leads to an end. He's right. He's extremely right. Life is something that brings joy, but there can still be no Joy without pain. Sure, we may wish there was no pain, but It's necessary. Enough philosophizing though, I've been wondering a lot recently about my own experience and how I've been developing as a person, whether it's for the better or for the worst. Like for example, a lot of people tell me I changed a lot between my middle school years and my high school, years, and looking back on it, I can see where they're coming from. I've transitioned friend groups several times in the past few years, and throughout that whole ordeal I've had reputation fluctuations, popularity shifts, and, of course, personal issues. Anyone who's close to me will know exactly what I'm talking about in that regard. And to all the people who had to talk to me when I was in my saddest moments or darkest hours, I would like to formally say I'm sorry. You all were probably sick and tired of hearing me rant and complain about various things that were troubling me. But then again, I'm a troubled person. I'm not a stereotypical St. Chris kid, and I've always wanted to be. For a while I felt isolated from everyone, not truly fitting in with any group. And while I'm thinking about it, let me talk about Cliques and Groups. Personally, I despise them. Our grade is so fractured and divided within our own little worlds that it's honestly not healthy. We're so hell-bent on our own group and maintaining those groups, for fear of outsiders coming in and changing the way we think or act. Stability is a prime human instinct, but that debate and discussion is the only way to advance. I wonder why we aren't more like the cla** of 2006. From what teachers tell me, that cla** was supportive, well behaved, and always looking out for each other. They would fill up McVey for Theater shows, or Completely fill the student section at a pa**ionate game, but why has that changed? Is it because Theater is seen as being “Gay” or “Queer” or because “I don't have enough time to go to the games.” Truth be told, we're all a little insecure about things, and that's what makes us have the instinctual desire to be above other people, as it brings self validation. Enough about that. Popularity is another thing I wanted to briefly cover. I feel as if popularity is a f**ed up measure of us as a cla**. We see the more “Upper-Eschelon” people that hang out on the weekends or engage in “Hook-up” Culture and we see them as popular. They're the ones that have the fancy cars and go to Martha's Vineyard on Spring Break, and they look like the one's to aspire to be. They're the ones who are vaping and going to parties and drinking underage, and they look like the cool ones. I know this sounds Emo as f**, and you're probably thinking “He's just a depressed guy trying to make himself feel better by putting down others.” I'm actually not trying to put people down. In reality, I'm trying to bring them up. I feel as if the lifestyles a lot of “popular” kids embody is one that isn't good for them as people. And I know a lot of popular people listen to my music. Hell, everyone does, so if you've made it this far, and you didn't turn it off as soon as you heard me speaking instead of that “9:15” singing bullsh**, thanks. You're hearing a social criticism which I hope people take to heart, because in an era where we're so divided, a little heart to heart can go a long way. When I was in Italy for my X-Term, I realized America is a long way behind in terms of openness and friendliness. Every Time I went down a side street or a back alley, Roman citizens, even though they knew we were American, weren't hesitant to say hello or “have a good day”. Why can't we be more like that in America? Why do we create conflicts that aren't needed, such as third wave feminism. I don't want to be that “woman-hating mgtow”, because I feel like Men and Women are equal in every regard. But at the same time or judge someone based on the possessions they own or their awkward quirks in their personality. Newsflash, we all have quirks. Even those who say they're close to perfect have weird quirks that make them unique. Those unique flaws are what allows us to form connections, in the hopes that we can improve on them. But don't get me wrong, human relationships are also a double edged sword. They can be full of bliss and blossoming, like a flower, but some of the prettiest flowers have the deadliest poison. Anyway, here's the point in which I talk about what you all are expecting me to talk about, my love life. I know, a joke right? Ha ha ha, you laugh. There goes Cameron ranting about girls again. What's it gonna be this time, Bronwyn, Caroline, Anna, you eagerly ponder. Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but it's not about any of them. It's about love, in general, and how it plagues me in so many different ways. I inquire a lot specifically why do I have that desire for human connection that you can't get from normal friendship. Maybe it's biology, as the prime age for human relationship in regards to heteros**ual relations is between 16 and 30. Maybe it's just that whole theory taking it's course. Or maybe, it's on a spiritual level. I believe it related back to the flaw of consciousness, as you incessantly have the desire to connect with others and have someone to share your flaws with. In relationships, you have someone who, even if you had the sh**tiest day imaginable, will still listen to you and try to work it out with you. And that's what, in my opinion, the idea of love is. Love is that feeling that a person understands you, and believes in you, and wants to see you succeed. They only want you to grow as a person, and without that feeling, life s**s. I mean, sorry for ranting, I don't understand what makes me so undesirable. I think I have a decent sense of humour and i'm relatively easy to talk to. And I also think I have a lot I could share with people. Then again, I understand why I'm still completely bare when it comes to relational experiences with girls. I'm not that attractive, and I get that. I have a stereotypical pizza face, and I'm so damn weird that its hard to hang around me. On top of that, I'm kinda bipolar in a lot of regards. You see the goofy, dumb Cameron, but almost never see the lonly, sad cameron. I don't have a Mercedes Car, I don't have straight hair, I'm not tall, I'm not channing tatum, I'm not any of that. I'm just a flawed, short, weird a** kid who has that reputation as the guy who got rejected a lot, and who, someone took that idea and translated it to thinking I was gay. f** that, honestly. And I'm not saying anyone dislikes me, I'm just saying that I don't know what makes me so average. So While I'm on this train of thought which constantly derails, I do want to say that if you find me to be any lesser of a person in regards to relationships because I've been rejected a bunch, you're absolutely wrong, so get that dumb opinion out of your head before it permeates into your subconscious. Believe me, I know how rumours spread, and I know how your gossip system works. A lot of the times when I had my headphones on, I wasn't playing any music. I was intently listening to conversations that I won't even mention. So feel free to gossip about this, If you ever hear this. Just know that I fully comprehend the gossip is spreading. Also to conclude with love, I want to say sorry to any of the girls who I was foolish enough to pursue. I'm genuinely, from the bottom of my heart, sorry. Believe me, I did have feelings for you all, but they were blind feelings that clouded my judgement and brought a sense of disbelieving in rejection and heartache. I know that it's annoying when someone asks you out who you don't like, and how you probably thought It was weird I did it in the first place. I've realised at this point that it's better to leave relationships alone, as it's easier to be a hopeless romantic than someone who constantly plagues others with feeble hopes of love and cuddling during a movie. Love's a joke. People get older and older younger and younger these days. I heard about this one guy who got his first kiss at 12, and it made me think, “Wow, you lucky son of a b**h.” That rant aside, I'm doing okay, but it's gonna take a while for me to get better. I'm hoping this album will be the last nail in the coffin on this period of depression and sadness. I want to change, and I know this change will come eventually. Maybe then I'll revert back to being the Happy kid I used to be, who they say is gone from me now. If you got through this, Thanks. It means a lot. Sincerely Cameron. P.S. Grandma and Pop Pop, I miss you every day.