Camille West - Getting Raptured lyrics

Should auld acquaintance be forgot And never brought to mind Should auld acquaintance be forgot Hey everybody, it?s rapture time I was staring at the clouds from a 747 When I saw that there were thousands Getting s**ed up into heaven And I knew that Armageddon time was nigh When the Captain said "on your right there?s Mother Teresa floating by" Oh, I could here the pa**engers behind me start to cheer When he said, "looks like the whole non-smoking section?s disappeared But don?t you fear, even though I?m outta here You?ve still got the navigator He?ll stay with the rest of you fornicators and atheists Insurance salesmen and bigamists And certain televangelists and such And by the way, thanks for flying with us" Well it?s one of those days All of my friends are getting raptured Taken away from their RV?s and their pick-up trucks By a heavenly Electrolux on super s** And I?m stuck here in sinners company Jimmy Swaggart, my mother-in-law and me Driving home from the airport The highways were all clear Except for cars with NRA bumper stickers on the rear I pulled into a burger joint Gave my order to a sweet blonde who said "Would you like some fries with that?" Zoop she was gone I finally made it home I couldn?t take it anymore When I saw my friend the Jehovah?s Witness Who preaches at my door He was rising higher and higher saying "What do you think about that? Na na na na na...Thupt! And I heard...splat! Well it?s one of those days All of my friends are getting raptured Taken away from their RV?s and their pick-up trucks By a heavenly Electrolux on super s** And I?m stuck here in sinners company Madonna, my mother-in-law and me Now?s the time to fear the most Armageddon?s getting close When you hear the Holy Ghost Who you gonna call, Ghostbusters? I went to see a friend of mine The one who drives a Ford With the little sign on the window "Holy rolling with the Lord" Well, she hadn?t yet been raptured And it made her real upset She?d been counting on not paying her American Express She sat poised like a debutante Waiting for a date And when she finally did get raptured she cried "Jesus you?re late" Me, well I was staying I said, "Hey what I do wrong?" When a voice from up above said "You?re the schmuck who wrote this song" Well it?s one of those days All of my friends are getting raptured Taken away from their RV?s and their pick-up trucks By a heavenly Electrolux on super s** And I? mstuck here in sinners company Rush Limbaugh, my mother-in-law and me And you sitting there You missed the rapture too Happy new year