BZZY - Suicidal Tendencies lyrics

I lied under oath, I'm sorry to us both Used it for pain, for the murder I wrote 'Cause your love was too perfect, I couldn't write any songs about it I swear depression changed my life and I'd be lost without it I treat rappers like tellin' tales in the dark And if I find the light then that'd be the end of my art 'Cause my best material came from feeling inferior Your lil' brother goin' to chemo should've been there with you Instead I'm out in California, three I was younger The floor covered in Swisher wrappers and empty rubbers Skipping lunches, lace up was recording demos In a one bedroom appartment [?] How selfish of me, I'm helpless honey Sellin' a piece of my mind for extra money Lovin' somebody ain't never felt this funny I'm so insane, I can't explain My creativity s**s, I can't write without pain Should I jump? Should I stay? I think it's better that way, anyway I think about [?] today It's been a minute since I- I've been feelin', I've been feelin' kinda wrong (for real, it's real) It's better that way- Maybe it's part of my karma Maybe I shouldn't call her Maybe it's not my fault, 'cause I'm the son of my father We good at makin' excuses when feel guilty and bothered 10AM in the morning, I'm havin' breakfast and vodka Where my head at? Ain't no tellin' Long as I'm hurtin' and write about it, the record sellin' Sacrifices, I know it so well You was an angel to me, when I deserved Hell It's on my head this sh** is so intense My momma goin' the to the doc, I say "how it went?" While I'm in Cali just tryna get it to go "This the year mom," I said that two Thanksgivings ago I know, this sh** drive me crazy, fightin' depression daily I'm tryna sign to Eminem 'cause all these n***as shady I miss the days when it was fun hittin' the club with AJ Had them bottles goin' up Girls I admired from a far started showin' love Word in my city was "BZZY was gettin' up there" Couple hatin' n***a tried to say I wasn't from there But hate and love the same thing, just different perspective I used to hit the office like I was switchin' electives A lotta girls you n***as loved, just really my exes I'm still in love with all of them, I'm really that selfish Couple girls I used to write about went missin' on me A couple married ball players and got different on me Would you prefer to have had and lost to the never had it? Everything seems so small from where I'm standin' Should I jump? Should I stay? I think it's better that way, anyway I think about [?] today It's been a minute since I- I've been feelin', I've been feelin' kinda wrong (for real, it's real) It's better that way- You haven't been yourself lately and we're worried about you I went by your apartment Wednesday and you neighbors said they haven't seen you in a week I know you've had a rough couple months but you can't just shut yourself out from the world like this It's not how it be We just don't want you to hurt yourself