Buddy Wasisname And The Other Fellers - Mr. Home Hardware lyrics

He's Mr. Home Hardware he's Mr. Canadian Tire Can't wait for the mail to pick up those colourful flyers He's got all kinds of gadgets in a workshop that looks mighty cool Mr. Do-It-Yourself with an arsenal of ten thousand tools. It if rattles, he glues it. If it separates, he screws it. If it breaks off he glue guns it on If there's a problem, he licks it cause he's Mr. Fix-It He loves it when something goes wrong. He's got all kinds of rig outs to keep himself physically fit He faithfully uses them once then in the basement they sit Never questions or wonders if it's all just a scam or a fad After one single workout, wants to look like the man in the ad. If it pedals, he'll try it If it treadmills, he'll buy it. If it vibrates he'll hand out the cash. When his house gets too cluttered his wife moans and mutters And most of it is thrown out as trash. He's got a vegetable garden that measures only twenty feet square But he owns more garden equipment that the country of Zaire Super high-speed, deluxe garden gadgets that stand to the test And the latest in poisons to destroy undesirable pests If it wriggles, he'll spray it If it slithers, he'll slay it He's proud of his harvest, he thinks that it's marvellous Five dollars he's probably saved. Now his greatest of pa**ions is gathering up good fishing gear To go out to the lake for one day every five or six years He'll tell you his efforts will result in some food on his plate But we know he will never recover the worth of his bait If it sparkles, he'll try it If it glitters, he'll apply it if it rotates, he's wildly impressed No matter what the price is, he loves these devices And displays them all over his vest.