It was christmas eve, i was standin' in the parking lot Of "fabulous girls, nude - nude - nude" In the car next to me there was a young lady givin' a blow-job To a man in a santa claus suit His beard was crooked, his hat askew Embarra**ed, i turned to go When from the back seat of that mazda i heard somebody shout "oh baby, don't Stop" And a merry "ho-ho-ho" When i walked inside, i ordered a beer and a double shot of whisk And in three minutes i had fallen in love The dj announced "ladies and gentlemen, from forth worth, texas: lady godiva" And i sat and worshipped 'neath the angel above At the end of her set she brushed her hair Came and sat on the stool to my right And said "will you buy me a drink?" My heart beats fast, my trousers grew tight And wittily i replied "uhhh...." She showed me a picture of her kid Said during the day she's an art student She dances six nights a week for slobs and idiots like this Of course, present company excluded. On donner, on dancer, on comet, on blitzen I'm lost in the valley of the supervixens Worshippin' at the feet of the goddess above I'm a pilgrim in the temple of love, ma, just a pilgrim in the temple Of love Well then santa came stumblin' in, and somebody shouted "hey santa, where's your elves?" He sat down on the stool to my left And the bartender took a vodka bottle of the shelf He asked if mrs. claus had called To tell her he worked on the late shift at the mall And he was sorry, but he just got through I turned and i asked him: "how's the kid this year, santa?" Beneath his breath he whispered "a merry f** you" Well then the owner come over and he was a short gfat ugly guy With a funny kind of pushed-in face He shook my hand and said it was the first time They'd ever had a real superstar in this place Lady godiva bought me a few drinks And words came out of my mouth What they were, i couldn't guess But it was something about showgirls, lapdancing, motley crue You can guess the rest Well i walked outside, snow was falling I had some toys to put together - it was christmas time Santa followed me into the parking lot And threw up on the hood of the car next to mine I gave him my handkerchief, pulled out onto the highway And as i sat at the light I swear i saw a sleigh with a dozen of reindeers Pull up out of the parking lot and cut across the mall And a voice shouted "merry christmas to all you a**holes And to all a good f**ing night!"