Bruce Botnick - Gaston lyrics

[Gaston, spoken] Who does she think she is? That girl has tangled with the wrong man! [Lefou, spoken] Darn right! [Gaston, spoken] No one says "no" to Gaston! Dismissed! Rejected! Publicly humiliated! Why, it's more than I can bear! [Lefou, spoken] More beer? [Gaston, spoken] What for? Nothing helps. I'm disgraced [Lefou, spoken] Who, you? Never! Gaston, you've got to pull yourself together Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Gaston Looking so down in the dumps Ev'ry guy here'd love to be you, Gaston Even when taking your lumps There's no man in town as admired as you You're ev'ryone's favorite guy Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you And it's not very hard to see why No one's slick as Gaston No one's quick as Gaston No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston's For there's no man in town half as manly Perfect, a pure paragon! You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on [Lefou & Chorus] No one's been like Gaston A king pin like Gaston [Lefou] No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston [Gaston] As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating [Chorus] My what a guy, that Gaston! Give five "hurrahs!" Give twelve "hip-hips!" [Lefou] Gaston is the best And the rest is all drips [Chorus] No one fights like Gaston Douses lights like Gaston [Lefou] In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston [Bimbettes] For there's no one as burly and brawny [Gaston] As you see, I've got biceps to spare [Lefou] Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny [Gaston] That's right! And every last inch of me's covered with hair [Chorus] No one hits like Gaston Matches wits like Gaston [Lefou] In a spitting match, nobody spits like Gaston [Gaston] I'm especially good at expectorating Ptooie! [Chorus] Ten points for Gaston! [Gaston] When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs Ev'ry morning to help me get large And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs So I'm roughly the size of a barge! [Chorus] Oh, ahhh, wow! My what a guy, that Gaston! No one shoots like Gaston Makes those beauts like Gaston [Lefou] Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston [Gaston] I use antlers in all of my decorating [Chorus] My what a guy, Gaston!