Brian “Big Ba**” Gardner - If/Then lyrics

[Hook] If b**hes ain't sh** but hoes and tricks Then n***as ain't sh** but hoes with dicks [Verse 1] Murderous verses Motherf**ers won't even make it to the chorus They'll find you and yo b**h buried in the Angeles National Forest Anything you can do, I heard it done before, better But I can do you in 36 positions Enter you like the Wu-Tang debut Now who remains true to the game? Damn shame it wasn't you Fools lay claim to fly rhymes but I terrorize airlines My mind's a porcelain Glock 7 slippin' through the metal detectors Ready to wet'cha like baptism It's rap pugilism when I be placin' 208 bones in one zone; With microphones, I'm like the Blade Runner hunting clones I "Beat It" like one glove and a bad nose job With more breathin techniques than Lamaze Ras still be drinkin' malt liquor brews And continues the liquidation of crews Wit' a drunken technique like Shun Di's kung fu on Virtua Fighter 2 See me son, I'm the one sportin' Dolce and Gabbana Peelin' this ba*tard's wig back like cradle cap You ain't no cap peela for rilla And for who you desire to k** you need more God than Zilla I breaks'em off like a acrylic nails Test me but you appear to be Presley (Press Lee) like Priscilla And still malicious disses, but this is 10% dis, 90% sk** So curses, foiled again like Hershey's kisses You're so-called vicious, although How they gonna be a menace when it ain't no men in it? Oh, they womenaces (with cli*orises) In a new year, a new fear, and I'm nuclear Let's play a friendly game of who can ruin who's career I'm a k**afornia B-boy, you like one of Heavy D's boys Got n***as fallin' off the stage like they was Trouble T-Roy [Hook] [Verse 2] (Hey, whip these n***as' a**) Watch me gamble for paradise And if I gotta pay the price Easy come, easy go like Eric Wright Cause I used to get my fade wit a comb and a razor blade With a 9800 Module back in the day They say it takes 5000 to educate, 30,000 to incarcerate Gimme 5,000,000 in the lottery wit high cholesterol cloggin' my artery I'm not the boss hogg or the pimp and f** legalizin' hemp Keep the profit on the streets f** police on the creep three deep in a silver Caprice And the black chief of police No justice, no peace Verbally, I'm takin off from the baseline With my nuts in your face like Scottie Pippen As opposed to flippin' chickens So k** game like Chris Webber in sudden d**h Cause you callin' for timeouts when you got no time left On some Highlander sh** cause, son, there can only be one And heads is flyin' faster than Ronald serves Two all-beef patties on a sesame seed bun Real thorough - duh do do do, duh do duh do do I wanna give it to you all night long just like the Mary Jane Girls (AAALLL NIIIGHT LONG!) (LAUGHTER) (n***as ain't sh**!!!) A bloodstained wall emanates from my nostril I pull b**hes like a hamstring and take out an MC like a tonsil Forty story buildin's horizontal Within the confines of 33 lines and a margin mentally squabbin' See, every time my lips part it's a million man march And my heart is a pit with a million skin heads moshin' Daily I walk through Hell smellin like Chanel but far from frail I roll with my clique like par-a-palegics Confrontation conversation, catch-22 exclamations But the explanation was deeper than a Louis Leaky excavation Fools, you're makin' peace when the enemy is blaspheme Guess we got some nuts hangin' in between like a motherf**in' drag queen But don't nobody wanna test though, ya n***as is petro When I put the lead to your head like Destro [Hook]