What if I bake you a coconut cake? With lots of nuts, the kind that you hate? What if I threw your car keys in the lake? What if I made you cry? What if I told you lies? What if I took you to the edge? What if I pushed you off a ledge? What if I scratched all your Sister Sledge? What if I made you cry? What if I tell you lies? Would you still love me? What if I made you get me a Tab? And made you pay for all of the cabs? What if I gave you all of my crabs? What if I laughed when you cried? Then said it was all just a lie? Would you still love me? What if I had PMS all my life? And told you "You look just like Barney Fife"? What if I twisted it in like a knife? Until it made you cry? Until it made you lie? Would you still love me? Would you still love me? (...we don't need to have a band here tonight. You afraid you won't be heard? Everybody can hear your f**in' clams out there. You don't need a mike for that. You're takin' up too much f**in' time blowin' what? sh**!!)