Ben Thompson - Story 2: The Great Day Arrived lyrics

[MATILDA] And so, the great day arrived! It was like the entire world had gathered to see The Burning Woman, Hurling Through the Air, with Dynamite in Her Hair, Over Sharks and Spiky Objects, Caught By the Man Locked in a Cage. Everything was arranged by . . . the Acrobat's sister, a frightening woman who used to be an Olympic-cla** hammer-thrower, who loved nothing better than to scare the children of the town. People whispered that in her dark and brooding heart, she resented the sister, both her success and her love. Suddenly, out came the Escapologist, dressed as usual in his tights and spangly costume. But there was no sign of the Acrobat, and no glimpse at all of her shiny white scarf. And instead of a musical fanfare, there was silence, as he solemnly strode into the room. [MATILDA and ESCAPOLOGIST] Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girls! The Burning Woman, Hurling Through the Air, with Dynamite in Her Hair, Over Sharks and Spiky Objects, Caught By the Man Locked in a Cage has been . . . cancelled! [MRS PHELPS] No! [MATILDA] Yes! The audience gasped so loud that a pa**ing aeroplane caught it on its instrumentation and recorded it as an atmospheric phenomenon. [MATILDA and ESCAPOLOGIST] Cancelled, because my wife is . . . pregnant! [MRS PHELPS] Oh, Matilda! [MATILDA] Absolute silence. You could have heard a fly burp. Then suddenly, the audience jumped to its feet and roared in appreciation! The great feat was instantly forgotten, and the applause went on for nearly an hour. [MRS PHELPS] So it has a happy ending! [MATILDA] Forgotten, by everyone except, that is . . . the Acrobat's sister. When all had quietened down, she stepped forward and produced . . . a contract. [MRS PHELPS] A . . . A contract? [MATILDA and the ACROBAT'S SISTER] "A contract was signed to perform this feat, and perform this feat you shall!" [MRS PHELPS] No! [MATILDA and the ACROBAT'S SISTER] "I have paid for the posters, publicity, the catering, the toilet facilities. If I give the crowd their money back, where is my profit?! A contract is a contract is a contract! My hands are tied. The Burning Woman, Hurling Through the Air, with Dynamite in Her Hair, Over Sharks and Spiky Objects, Caught by the Man Locked in a Cage will be performed, and performed this day, or . . . off to prison you both shall go!" [MRS PHELPS] No! No!