Morticia: My daughter's getting married I can't believe it's true She doesn't ask her parents Before she says "I do" And what about my husband? Oblivious, naive This evening's getting serious: These Ohioans won't leave But I can't let these latest problems Rob me of my bliss For when I'm scared of true disaster I remember this: d**h is just around the corner Waiting patiently to strike One unplanned electrocution That's the kind of end I can comprehend When I'm feeling uninspired Or I need a little spree I'm reborn knowing d**h is just around the corner Coming after me (spoken) Get it? Coroner. d**h is just around the... corner d**h is just around the corner Waiting high upon the hill Someone buried in an avalanche (gasp) That's the kind of gig I can really dig Marriage often disappoints you Not each husband is a gem So I'll mourn Knowing d**h is just around the corner Coming after them If life's all plums I'll muddle through some But when d**h comes I hope it's gruesome. (hot-cha) Some people die from public stoning Faulty wiring, faulty zoning Cherry pits they didn't know were there. (choking noise) It could be by a jungle cat Female Ancestor: A slippery mat Male Ancestor: A baseball bat Morticia: Perhaps an unsuccessful love affair. (crying noise) It could be on a speeding train It could be underwater It could be too much Novocain Or even by your daughter Female Ancestor: Perhaps a bad mosquito bite Male Ancestor: A title fight Female Ancestors: Religious rite Morticia: My darlings, it might even be tonight d**h is just around the corner No one's ever been immune Turning off a respirator With a simple click Strenuously quick I can face a new tomorrow If I make it past today I feel good saying d**h is just around the corner Simply on its way d**h is just around the corner And you have to heed the call (Don't ask why) For your d**h is just around the corner (You and I) Happy being both the mourned and mourner (Say goodbye) Because d**h is just around the corner Coming for us all