Beau - The Smile of a Pox Doctor's Clerk lyrics

If knowledge is power, and power is all, There surely was never a worthier call. It was, I remember from innocent days, My grandmother, bless her, directing my gaze To an ad that was placed in "Professions and Trades" For someone with tact and discretion in spades. And so I applied – a mere shot in the dark! – For the sensitive post of the pox doctor's clerk – The pox doctor's clerk. The world can be wicked; temptations be great, Especially when handed to one on a plate! The great and the good who were our clientele Went into the booklet that served me so well. They'd sally so sheepishly in through the door And leave without quite understanding the score, Believing my bite was no worse than my bark; And sadly misjudging the pox doctor's clerk – The pox doctor's clerk! Suffice it to say, though the clergy were worst, His Worship the Mayor was a notable first. A lady I'd known from an earlier time Had techniques that verged on the truly sublime. Of course, he maintained he'd been cruelly tricked; The mayor, being caught in flagrante delict, Metaphorically kicked his balls out of the park And into the arms of the pox doctor's clerk – The pox doctor's clerk. It would be remiss for me here to disclose All names and addresses, but yes, there were those With reasons to quaver and even to quail; My peerage, it seemed, had been lost in the mail! The matter resolved diplomatically when The Cabinet Secretary called Number Ten. The PM, the prince and that strange oligarch Had cause to remember the pox doctor's clerk… The pox doctor's clerk. Despite all the endless appeals through the courts, My autobiography marshalled my thoughts. But truthfully, what can you really expect With such peccadillos out there to protect? My barrister mounted a sprightly defence With no hint of subterfuge or of pretence: "The eyes of a teddy bear, teeth of a shark And always the smile of a pox doctor's clerk – A pox doctor's clerk!"