"They said to me the day I left, 'You're destined to go far As student of the year here at our conservatoire.' Confident that composition was to be my strength, They thought I had a quirky streak and spoke of it at length. My 'Rhapsody on Fantasies of Cage and Pachelbel' Reminded them that Mozart had his challenges as well! And so it was that I embarked on life's uncertain trail With a man*script and a quill in hand. Let quality prevail! "Mostly, I relied on my pianoforte sk**s To entertain the philistines, and to pay the boring bills. My agent, as it came to light, was something of a spiv With serious convictions how the other half should live. The ashtray on his desk had cost him more than my pianna! His weasel eyes had shifted to his trusted daily planner. 'Unlike you, I couldn't give a coda or a quaver, And now,' he said, 'I'm wanting you to do the firm a favour!' "'I can't believe it's asking much of those I represent To hope my clients now and then might help to pay the rent! You want to be Stravinskys, but you're piggies in the middle; And even mighty Igor started out on second fiddle!' My ship came into port the day an entertaining fella Commissioned 'Ben & Jerry's Coca-Cola Tarantella'; And suddenly, from nowhere as the scales began to fall, I gazed into that shining light and understood it all. "When others warned that my career was heading for the rocks, I realised I'd opened up the whole Pandora's Box. Yes, there were those who claimed I'd scraped the bottom of the barrel Composing my 'Quartet for Strings and Intimate Apparel'. Many tried to catch the wave but missed it, more's the pity; But me, I like the penthouse with its view across the city. We're there in every mall and lift from London to Darjeeling, So can we give it one more try; this time without the feeling..."