Barbra Streisand - Folk Monologue / Value lyrics

Can I get my gla** of tea? Mmm, nothing like it! At this time I would like very much to do a Folksong. Since Folksongs, I think are still popular today. Uhm, this one is in Latvian and it's from Latvia. And it's about this Tahitian girl who uhm, had this lover. And then one day this lover decides that he doesn't like her anymore and likes her sister better. So she decided that the only thing to do naturally was to k** herself, see. So one day, oh, was very nice out about 75 degrees, and she was taking this walk down to the river to drown when she, she tripped over this rock see. And uhm, oh it was awful I mean, she broke her gla**es, she scrapped her knees. And uhm, just at this minute the lover and the sister happen to come by in a taxicab. So, see they saw her on the floor and she, having an astigmatism in her left eye, she thought that it was a wild bore. So, she figured oh boy I'd better get down to the river fast to drown so she runs down there and what do you know the river was frozen. So I mean she just stood there you know and she went tchhh, like that. Tch, and uhm, because, I mean, she couldn't do it that day. See, it was a small town they only had one river, so. Anyway than she figured, oh it's getting late, better get home cause her mamma would be worried and would k** her if she was late for supper you know. So, I mean, she gets up and she starts walking around home and she bumps in to this guy, and what do you know, he turns out to be an optometrist. And just happens to happen to have her "suscription". So, anyway, uh? Oh, I'm sorry "suBscription".So anyway, I mean, she's I don't want you to think that this is one of those Hollywood-like stories: She gets the gla**es and sees happily ever after. I mean, this is, you know, no like that. I mean she had to pay for the gla**es just like you and me, she ... well, oh well, I mean, I don't want you to think that I'm lying but she did get about a dollar fifty off, dollar sixty-five? So anyway, uhm... this guy (Oh) turned out to be very nice and he even told her where she could find another river. So, I'll tell you the truth, this girl was a real creep. I mean, you know who would wanna sing a song about her? I mean, her sister was really much nicer. And uhm, I mean, I, I think she came from a better family. [Singing] Call me a b**b Call me a schlemiel Call me a brain with a missing wheel Call me what you will But nonetheless I'm still In love with Harold Mingert It's not because he has a car Arnie Fleisher has a car And a car is just a car But if Harold didn't have a car too his name I guess I'd love him just the same Call me what you will But nonetheless I'm still In love with Harold Mingert And it's not because he has a wealthy family Arnie Fleischer has a wealthy family But money isn't everything And if Harold didn't have a car too his name I know I'd love him just the same But sometimes I ask myself why than Do I than love Harold Mingert Harold isn't handsome or clever or smart And I don't find romance and a dance in his heart The only answers I can think about Harold Mingert's money and Harold Mingert's car Call me what you will But non the less I'm still In love with Harold Mingert Also Arnie Fleisher! "Value"