Baba Brinkman - The Evolution Of Gayness lyrics

No h*mo Boom bye bye in the batty boy head No h*mo and I'm all about my money The shots fly, now the batty guy lie dead They say "No h*mo!" I say "No, h*mophobe, Get it straight – it's in the chromosomes" They say "But my religion says it's a sin" I say "Sell your daughter into slavery then" They say "It's unnatural, it makes me uneasy" I say "Actually it's found in four-hundred species "But same-s** mating is an aberration" Okay then, it's the evolution of gayness Natural selection offers explanations for Every behaviour and complex form That's something I often say when I'm on a stage And people always say "okay, but what about the gays?" Yup, there's no exceptions, only limitations To how much information we've accumulated So far at least on each specific question The origins of "gayness" is one of the best ones Twin studies suggests that it's partially genetic But if that's a definite, then how would you spread it? Ooh, that's why I love science, 'cause it loves a mystery How can you spread a gene that limits your fertility? Many different threads of evidence are coalescent But so far it's just suggestive with no consensus Still, it kinda illustrates the scientific method So I'll break down the top four hypotheses in question They say "No h*mo!" I say "No, h*mophobe, Get it straight – it's in the chromosomes" They say "But my religion says it's a sin" I say "Sell your daughter into slavery then" They say "It's unnatural, it makes me uneasy" I say "Actually it's found in four-hundred species "But same-s** mating is an aberration" Okay then, it's the evolution of gayness Hypothesis one: gays are a non-reproductive caste Like we find in termites and naked mole rats To me though, that doesn't seem convincing 'Cause gay people don't obsessively feed their breeding siblings Hypothesis two: it's a social lubricant That's used to smooth tension, instead of fighting we smooch with them You'll find guy-on-guy and girl-on-girl action In bonobos and Asian stump-tailed macaques And it's a proven tactic, but they're just bi-s**ual That's the third hypothesis: that "h*mo" is side-effectual Like with albatrosses, the females mate With each other when there's not enough males to pull their weight But it's not like "they just can't find a man and get impatient" They're fully same-s** mated – males are for insemination And maybe lesbians who wanted babies made the same Exception in the days before IVF and turkey basters And on the flip side, we've got the "sneaky males" In many species some males mimic females So they can mate without having to compete with the alphas Who guard females jealously and treat them like they're helpless I mean, 'come on, I know guys who act gay Until the girls let their guard down, and then they're like "heeyyy!" Which may explain why some of the biggest h*mophobes Are alpha gorilla types on a testosterone overdose, who say No h*mo Boom bye bye in the batty boy head No h*mo and I'm all about my money The shots fly, now the batty guy lie dead Hypothesis four tackles pure h*mos**ual bliss And it mostly consists of genetic tricks 'Cause some genes are paired up as recessives and dominants And dominants, by definition, get expressed with prominence But sometimes you're better off with both different types 'Cause it might, for instance, protect you from parasites So gayness could spread by heterozygote advantage If it's connected to some other benefit that's adaptive And a similar path would be for it to get expressed As a ma**ive benefit, but for the opposite s** If a gene gave males a h*mos**ual proclivity But it gave females a ma**ive increase in fertility Then it could spread with ease, and if you raise objections And say "genetic explanations are so oppressive" Would it really be so bad if gays were like albinos? Maybe you see a justification for hate there, but I don't The real haters are those who say "it's just a simple choice" And preach "rehabilitation," with their luggage carried by rent boys If it doesn't cause harm then it shouldn't face hatred So why don't we just make it 100% okay then? They say "No h*mo!" I say "No, h*mophobe, Get it straight – it's in the chromosomes" They say "But my religion says it's a sin" I say "Sell your daughter into slavery then" They say "It's unnatural, it makes me uneasy" I say "Actually it's found in four-hundred species "But same-s** mating is an aberration" Okay then, it's the evolution of gayness