Baba Brinkman - Sexual Selection 2.0 lyrics

Charles Darwin saw natural selection, not s**ual selection But natural selection as the most serious cause of evolution But what was going on with bird songs and peaco*ks? They follow mysterious laws – but then Darwin had a curious thought It probably occurred to him while he was trying to explain his theory To a young Victorian blond, whose face displayed A mixture of desire and feverish awe The immediate cause of which Darwin clearly saw… yee-ah So he said: “My dear, descent with modification comes from The struggle for survival and reproduction Hence, the reason for some structures must be seduction… wa**up! In fact, Darwin's brain was probably one such structure Just as peaco*ks' tails show off the genes of the top males And likewise the songs of nightingales, the fighting sk**s of elephant seals And minnows with colourful scales, see these are all traits that s**ual selection Has shaped through the female preference to get with the fittest mates But in the case of human brains that selective pressure goes both ways Male to female and female to male Pretty much anything in nature that's just for display, just for showing off And isn't meant dissuade or chase predators away, like camoflauge Must have been selected for in a s**ual way, anything in nature That's just for display and has no survival value… but wait Doesn't that mean this is just such a display? Right now, at this very moment… no way, it's a mistake I swear, I really did come here with something to say But, they're telling me it's just a demonstration of my DNA? And so what if it is? That's great, what's to explain? Okay, maybe a couple of things. First, when I say that something ornate Like language, originally evolved as a seductive display I am not arguing that people only use it just to get laid Darwin leaves Freud in the dustbin, okay? Something that evolved for one purpose can be used for a different purpose today For instance, I could use a urine stream to put out a fire But that doesn't mean the penis evolved as bush fire fighter This is a theory of language function, a theory of where it comes from; What it's used for now, well that is a separate discussion; So which was it? Was complex language originally a mechanism For survival or reproduction? It must have been one of them I'm talking about complex language now, not simple language Like “Ooh look, snake, don't step!” Think about it How would complex language possible help you survive in the stone age? Can you talk a predator out of attacking? Can you talk a parasite out of infecting? Can you talk a potential mate in to consenting? Potentially, right? Not necessarily, but potentially Hence, presenting the grand unified theory of rhyme Where does rhyme come from? I'm talkin' about Homer, Beowulf Chaucer, Shakespeare, Alexander Pope, Eminem, and Jay-Z, it's all the same The mating mind uses lyrical signs, combined with wit and wordplay Conversation, humour and different narrative styles To appraise the fitness of mates, both for the purpose of marriage ties And for mates of the more temporary kind These are the humble roots of the literary sublime We are all Shakespearean primates verbalizing our cherry behinds But how could we possibly test this bizarre theory of mine? Not just mine, also Geoffrey Miller's Ideally, we could use experimental holding zoos Filled with human subjects, we could feed them some booze And with an overhead view we could observe which breeding pairs reproduce And how often they use their verbal ornaments to seduce We could even separate them into control groups, to see whether male Or female vocals are more prone to be used in the stimulation of hormones Although, it's true that this sort of experiment, on humans Isn't normally approved – outside of nightclubs If only there existed in a state of nature some cultural group we could study That was preoccupied with makin' paper, and parading Half-naked women shakin' their money makers in front of competitive males Displaying mating behaviour while trading their creativity for s**ual favours If such a group existed, I predict it would be a major player In the entertainment industry, and would be in major danger Of being overwhelmed by angry player haters But I may have to save some of my research for later And how do I answer the charge that I'm participating In this mating dance myself with these dazzling bars? That isn't hard I plead guilty – I worked hard to achieve this ability And if it also gives my genes visibility for females Then I say “so be it” – But, I confess, if you look close It also reveals my unique disability See, my tendency to tell these monkey fables and funny medieval tales It generally fails to attract any nubile young females It does attract women a lot though – all highly educated And post-menopausal! I know, isn't it awful? I get mobbed after my shows By hoards of groupie grandmas who thank me for making it possible For them to appreciate a hip-hop flow And, you might ask, where are their granddaughters? My guess is, they're all at gangster rap concerts But hey, that's how s**ual selection works Any mutation, such as myself, gets tested first And if it doesn't get spread, well, then it gets purged So this experimental hip-hop mix where it gets crossed With cla**ic scientific works and literature and lectures Will probably get the burial that it deserves That is, unless you spread it, like whispers So tell your friends about me, huh? Find me some new listeners Or write about me online, let the gossip disperse So that even if I die, my name survives in the Twitterverse