Baba Brinkman - Nun's Priest lyrics

Once upon a time There was a farmer who died And left a widow With a farmyard filled with animals And this is the story Of their time Okay, listen close, I'll tell you how the story goes This one starts on a farm, with a poor widow Animal husbandry was how she won the meat That she put on the table for her young ones to eat With no man to bring home the bacon, or take a load off Her shoulder blades and carry weight when her bones were achin' She was alone, with her daughters and her dairy cows Seven cluckin' chickens and a rooster who was very proud His name was Chauntecleer, but let's call him Chauncy He walked with a strut, and his style was kinda co*ky Like Snoop Doggy Dogg, except he was a co*k though A literal co*k, with a bright red cox-comb A figurative co*k too, he did what co*ks do And so would you, with seven chickens to give co*k to So don't be player hatin' on the roosters or the rap stars All they do is crow and pimp the chickens in the backyard And chickens only come once the method is perfected ‘Cause they want to hatch chicks with sk**s and work ethic So Chauncy was up to crow at five every mornin' co*k-a-doodle-doo! He had more wives than a Mormon But one was his favorite, and she was his main chick Pertelote, Purdy for short, the most curvaceous Bootylicious chicken with the juiciest breasts and thighs Whenever she swished her hips by, he was hypnotized Yeah, the mischievous type, plus kind and generous Wicked sense of humor with a rare high intelligence And he was into it, plus his singin' talents Kinda ruffled up her feathers, which kept things in balance So he was all for her, and she was all for him Though he still did his duty with his other six hens And that's where the story begins, in the chicken coop Every night after dark they would all sit and roost And one night, with Purdy next to him on his perch Chauncy started moanin' and groanin' and waking up his birds Like “No... no... keep it away I'm afraid... I don't wanna get eaten today!" And Purdy shook him and he woke up fast and screamed Like “Buck-uck!” And she said “Relax, it's just a bad dream” And Chauncy said “I love you, Purdy, you're the perfect chick But this was more than just a dream, please, interpret it! Okay, listen, I was walkin' in the yard And I saw this beast; it was kinda like a dog But smaller, reddish brown, with a pointy snout And bushy tail; that's what I was moaning about It was staring right at me, and its eyes were beady And I just had this feeling like it was trying to eat me!” And Purdy said “Yeah, um, that's called a fox And it's kinda common knowledge that foxes eat co*ks And you want me to interpret your dream? What does it mean? It means you're acting like a p**y if you ask me C'mon, grow a pair, it's just us, there's no one here And it's tough to stay in love with a wuss who's always scared Look, there's nothing to fear from nightmares, the monsters Are a manifestation of your subconscious; it's nonsense Now stop this... Wait, maybe your vision is true It reveals something deep: the inner b**h in you It's probably just some undigested snacks in your abdomen So get off your a** and take a laxative." Chauncy wasn't mad at his chick, he just sighed And said: “Honey, dreams are how we see with our third eye Most religions and ancient traditions treat them as premonitions Inner visions, we need to listen to our intuitions I just wish you knew what it meant, ‘cause I don't Dreams have meaning in Greek myths, and in the Bible Joseph even dreamed the future of Pharoah's people Why do you think they call it ‘The Technicolor Dreamcoat'? And she looked kinda sly as she rolled her eyes And said “Too bad the gods always give such vague signs Instead of specific information... Anyhoo You'd better watch out for foxes, babe, like chickens do” And he co*ked his head sideways, and that was that Chauncy forgot about his dream and got his swagger back And said “I'm just happy when I'm beside you Except, this perch is too narrow for me to ride you So let's take this outside, boo. co*k-a-doodle-doo! And his song kinda put her in the mood too And they flew into the yard to warm in the morning sun And he feathered her forty times before he was done And a few months later, what do you know Russel the fox crept into the yard slow He'd been watching the chickens for weeks, biding his time And now he hid in the weeds until they were right beside him A grinning a**a**in in the gra**, his teeth flashin' With murder on his mind, both a hunger and a pa**ion He could feel need to k**, some call it evil But ask yourself, does a fox have free will? Could he choose to just be gone, if he wanted To prove the dream wrong, and find some greens to feed on? Or was the fox compelled by his physical make-up By his nature, to chase the chickens and try to taste one? Who knows what goes on under a fox's fur? Epistemology is best left to philosophers I'll just tell you about this fox, now he was a gentleman Chauntecleer caught a glimpse of him, and felt adrenaline Rushin', but before he could run Russel hushed him And said “Hey, relax, I'm your friend. I can be trusted I only came here for one thing, and it's not chicken dumplings I want to hear a performance from someone who loves to sing I heard your father sing once, mmh, what a voice! You could almost smell the scent of the hens becoming moist He sang on tip-toes, with his eyes closed And his neck stretched out, like Battery Farm Idol And he always left the audience in awe when he was done So I gotta know, are you your father's son?” Chauntecleer was all ears, all his fears Were gone, this was all he ever wanted to hear He felt like his father was near, and he would do him proud He closed his eyes and he stretched his neck out And sang: “co*k-a-doodle-ackkk! Aa-a-aaack!” The fox had grabbed him by the neck and started runnin' fast He twisted his head and threw the rooster's body on his back The chickens stared cluckin', and Purdy was the loudest of ‘em Screaming “Fox! Fox! Someone come and help my husband! Buck-buck-buck-buckuck!" The sound of a bunch of hens Brought the widow runnin' so fast that she jumped the fence Her daughters came after, and the neighbors with their dogs too Barkin' and yappin' – half the village was in hot pursuit But the fox was faster, and he had a ma**ive head start Chauntecleer was terrified, but he tried to think smart He said, “Aack, you've done it, we're almost at the woods now They'll never catch us, and you still have time for put downs You can turn around and stick your tongue out and mock them And say ‘Ha ha, I've got your co*k' and trash talk them!” And the fox smiled and curled his black lips back And turned around and opened his mouth to do just that And when as his jaws unlocked, Chauncy took his only chance And flew into a tree, and perched on the lowest branch And Russel the fox looked up with his mouth open And his voice was soft-spoken, when he said “I was jokin' When I took you by the throat and brought you into the woods I wasn't tryin' to hurt you; my intentions were good! Come down and I can explain everything!” And Chauntecleer laughed, like, “Why, you wanna get me to sing? Here: co*k-a-doodle-do! Here come the villagers!” And the fox ran off with a bitter curse And they brought the co*k back to the farm, back to his duties Crowin' at the break of dawn, and gettin' up in chickens booties And debating metaphysics with his lady when they wake up And that's how the story ends – peace to Aesop Now let this be a lesson you can have to keep Don't let them gas you, and never listen to flattery Yeah let this be a lesson you can have to keep Get your pride in check, and never listen to flattery Never listen to flattery Whatever kind of person you are Whether you're fox-like Like a record label A & R Or whether you're chicken-like You know, struttin' around, peckin' the ground Or whether you're rooster-like With your chest out proud It's all the same to me Just keep your wits about you And never listen to flattery