[Princeton] What do you do with a B.A. in English? What is my life going to be? 4 years of college, And plenty of knowledge, Have earned me this useless degree! I can't pay the bills yet, 'Cause I have no sk**s yet, The world is a big scary place! But somehow I can't shake, The feeling I might make, A difference to the human race! [Kate] Morning Brian! [Brian] Hi, Kate Monster [Kate] How's life? [Brian] Disappointing [Kate] What's the matter? [Brian] The catering company laid me off [Kate] Oh, I'm sorry [Brian] Me too! I mean, look at me! I'm 10 years out of college, And I always thought... [Kate] What? [Brian] No it sounds stupid. [Kate] Oh c'mon! [Brian] When I was little, I thought I would be, A big comedian on late-night TV! But now I'm 32 and as u can see, I'm not, oh well, It s**s to be me! It s**s to be me! It s**s to be broke, and unemployed, and turning 33! It s**s to be me! [Kate] You think your life s**s? [Brian] I think so [Kate] Your problems aren't so bad I'm kinda pretty And pretty damn smart. [Brian] You are [Kate] Thanks I like romantic things like music and art. And as you know I have a gigantic heart, So why don't I have a boyfriend? fu*k! It s**s to be me! [Brian] Me too! [Kate] It s**s to be me! [Brian] It s**s to be me! It s**s to be Brian [Kate] And Kate [Brian] To not have a job [Kate] To not have a date [Both] It s**s to be me! [Rod/Nicky arguing] [Brian] Hey Rod, Nicky, can you settle something for us if you have a second? [Rod] Oh, certainly [Kate] Whose life s**s more, Brian's or mine? [Rod and Nicky] OURS! [Rod] We live together [Nicky] We're close as people can get [Rod] We've been the best of buddies [Nicky] Ever since the day we met [Rod] So he knows lots of ways to make me really upset! Oh! Every day is an aggravation [Nicky] C'mon that's an exaggeration [Rod] You leave your clothes out, You put your feet on my chair [Nicky] Oh yea? You do such an*l things like ironing your underwear! [Rod] You make that very small apartment we share, a hell! [Nicky] So do you, that's why I'm in hell too! [Rod] It s**s to be me! [Nicky] No it s**s to be me! [Kate] It s**s to be me! [Brian] It s**s to be me! [All] Is there anybody here it doesn't s** to be? It s**s to be me! [Christmas Eve] Why u all so happy? [Brian] 'Cause our lives s**! [Christmas Eve] Your lives s**? I hearing u correctly? Ha! I coming to this country, for opportunities, Try to work in Korean deli, But I a Japanese! But with hard work I earned two master degrees! In social work, And now I a therapist! But I have no clients! And I have unemployed fiancй, And we have lots of bills to pay! It s**s to be me! It s**s to be me! I say it s**a, s**a, s**a, s**a, s**a, s**a, s**a, s**a, s**a, s**a, s**a, s**a, s**! It s**s to be me! [Princeton] Uh excuse me, Sorry to bother u, but I'm looking for a place to live [Christmas Eve] Why u looking out here? [Princeton] Well, I started in Avenue A, But so far everything's out of my price range, But this neighborhood looks a lot cheaper. Oh and look a forensie! [Brian] You need to talk to the superintendent, Let me get him. [Princeton] Great! Thanks! [Brian] YO GARY! [Gary Coleman] I'm coming! I'm coming! [Princeton] Oh my God it's Gary Coleman! [Gary Coleman] Yes I am! I'm Gary Coleman, From TVs different strokes. I made a lot of money, That got stolen by my folks! Now I'm broke, and I'm the bu*t of everyone's jokes! But I'm here, the superintendent On Avenue Q! [All] It s**s to be you! [Kate] You win! [All] It s**s to be you! [Brian] I feel better now! [Gary Coleman] Try having people stopping you to ask you, Whatch-you talkin' 'bout Willis? It gets old. [All] It s**s to be you! On Avenue Q! s**s to be me! On Avenue Q! s**s to be you On Avenue Q s**s to be us But not when were together! We're together here on Avenue Q! We live on Avenue Q! Our friends do too, Till our dreams come true! We live on Avenue Q [Princeton] This is real life! [All] We live on Avenue Q [Nicky] You're gonna love it! [All] We live on Avenue Q [Gary Coleman] Here's your keys! [All] Welcome, to Avenue Q!