PLACE—Near the Jesuits' Church, Montreal.
SCENE—The marriage market.
Enter a company of young men, followed by a company of old men who are lame, halt decrepit.
Young Men (singing)
Good-bye to single life,
Now longer we are free;
The King says we must marry,
So married we must be.
Old Men (singing)
Good-bye to single life,
No longer we are free;
The King says we must marry,
So married we must be.
Young Men (in derision) Ha, ha, ha!
Old Men (sourly) Ha, ha, ha!
1st Young Man. Heaven help the women.
1st Old Man. Mere boys, mere boys!
Young Men. Ha, ha, ha!
Young Men. (singing)
We who are young and careless
Will sup with Mistress Sorrow;
Amid the cares of wedded life
We'll bid gay youth good morrow.
Good-bye, gay youth,
We'll age in sooth
Before a week to-morrow [Page 177].
Old Men (in chorus) Mere boys!
[Old men now march past.
Old Men. We who are young and careless, etc.
Young Men. Ha, ha, ha!
1st Old Man. Who ha, ha's me? I'm of age!
1st Young Man. Yea, you'll qualify!
1st Old Man. Am I not sound? Have I the rickets? The spavin? The rheumatics? Nay, who says I can't marry?
2nd Young Man. well done, young Lothario. How old are you, youngster?
2nd Old Man. He is old enough to keep a wife, which same I much doubt thou art.
2nd Young Man. Who consulted you, sprightly Winter?
2nd Old Man. (in a rage) Winter! Winter! I'll winter thee could I get at thee.
3rd Young Man. Worry him not; he hath cut his wisdom teeth.
2nd Young Man. Cut his wisdom teeth? They have cut him long ago and left him in the lurch.
Enter a short man with one arm and a wooden leg.
Short Man. Is there a widow left, or are they all gone?
I want to get a widow.
1st Old Man. Widows? Hem! too old, too old!
Short Man. You believe that extremes should meet, hey?
But is there a widow? I must have a widow.
[Hobbles out.
[A bell rings. A young girl goes past with a pensive air. Two more go past with a self-conscious air and a toss of the head. A couple of fat widows now go past with a languishing look at the young men. Two sour old maids come next, with a look of scorn for the old men, who shout in derision.
Old Maids. One leg in the grave, the old wretches [Page 178]!
1st Old Man. You needn't fear, ladies; your age protects you.
Old Maids. Horrid! [Exeunt both.
[A bell rings. Exeunt young men and old men, all singing, “Good-bye to youth,” etc., etc., the most decrepit brining up the rear. Enter suddenly, running, a callow youth.
Callow Youth. Are they all gone? all gone? Jean! Finette! Marie! Are they all gone? I've got the stove and a wash-tub, and I'll soon be rich. Oh, they'll all be gone, the girls, they'll be all gone! [Runs out.
Enter PIOTR and PORNAC by different ways, both in a hurry. They run against each other; both fall.
POR. Ha! 'tis thou, scum!
PIO. Rat!
POR. (rising) Don't rat me!
PIO. I'll teach thee to scum me!
POR. Yardstick! beanpole!
PIO. Potbelly! Swine!
Both. (edging off) Ha, ha!
POR. (disdainfully) I would spare thy terrors, coward.
PIO. (the same) I scorn to vantage by thy tremblings, craven.
[Exeunt both in a hurry by different ways.
[Rise inner curtain, men and women discovered ranged on separate sides of the room. A bell rings. Enter an official, who hammers with a baton on a table.
Officer. I declare the market open. [Reads from a list.
Number one: Jeanne Pierrtte, stand forward.
[An old maid comes forward. Officer continues reading.
Jeanne Pierrotte, spinster, over forty.
JEANNE. It's a lie [Page 179]!
Officer. But a fair housekeeper, though sharp-tempered.
1st Old Man. Too old!
Other Old Men. (in chorus) Too old, too old!
Officer. This woman has a good dowry in gold.
1st Old Man. Ha, ha! she is not so formidable.
Fair one, would you consider my youth and loveliness?
Old Maid. Dotard, marry a scarecrow? Not me.
1st Young Man. 'Tis a tidy sum. Sweet angel, would you consider?
Old Maid. O sir, spare my blushes.
1st Young Man. Don't mention them. (aside) They're spare enough. Is it a match?
Old Maid. I'm yours. [Faints in his arms.
1st Young Man. (supporting her out) Now for the dowry.
Officer. (reading) Marie Denoit, widow, small dowry,
Fair looking, healthy. [A fat widow stands forward.
1st Old Man. Madam, can we do business?
Fat Widow. Well, I should say not.
1st Old Man. Madam, I have a friend here who will speak me better in your eyes.
Fat Widow. What friend?
1st Old Man. In this bag. (shakes bag, making gold clink) Hear him speak, madam!
Fat Widow. It doth sound kindly. Is there much?
1st Old Man. More than much. What is your mind?
Fat Widow. I will consider.
1st Old Man. Then you are won.
Fat Widow. Have you had experience?
1st Old Man. Much, madam, I have buried my fifth.
Fat Widow. Then I will be your sixth!
[Exeunt both, Fat Widow, carrying bag. [Page 180]
Officer. (rapping with baton) These be all the dowries. I now declare the marriage market open for general arrangement.
[Men and women pair off in earnest consultation. The short man with a wooden leg limps by with a young girl.
Short Man. I have a cow and a field of corn, and will soon be rich.
Girl. But I would as life marry a deal table.
Short Man. Consider now, I would make you happy.
Girl. With that leg and that arm? Never!
[Turns to leave him; he tries to kneel to her, but falls over and cannot get up. An old maid tries to help him, but he waves her off with strong objection. He escapes and leaves the old maid alone. Just then the callow youth rushes in.
Callow Youth. Are they all gone, all gone? Are the girls all gone? (starts on seeing the old maid) Yea, I knew it, I knew it. [Turns to go out.
Old Maid. Nay, there is one, there is one! Oh, leave me not!
Callow Youth. Oh, thunders, no!
[Rushes out followed by Old Maid.
Enter PIOTR and PORNAC by different doors. Enter the Mother Superior, HELÈNE and FANCHON. PIOTR and PORNAC both start and fall on their knees before FANCHON.
Both. O Fanchon!
FAN. I cannot marry you both.
POR. Then choose.
PIO. Yea, choose.
FAN. Then I will have p**nac.
POR. (squeezing her hand) Angel!
[Exit PORNAC and FANCHON. [Page 181]
PIO. Well, I am a fool! 'Tis the devil's wages. [Exit.
Enter DAULAC and DESJARDINS by different doors.
DAUL. p**nac, p**nac! (sees HELÈNE) O Helène!
HEL. Daulac!
DAUL. This is happiness! [Kisses her hand.
HEL. Daulac, could I tell you how I have wronged you!
DAUL. And I have wronged myself by losing you! O Helène, I have loved you!
HEL. Have loved me?
DAUL. And do now, as merciful Heaven knows, Helène.
[Folds her in his arms.
Mother Superior. Stay, stay, sir; this maiden is in my charge.
DES. And you, sir, wed to glory!
DAUL. But Heaven says nay, for love hath conquered both. Helène, my love, would you marry me had I but one hour to live?
HEL. Daulac, I would rather die with you than live without you.
DAUL. Then you are mind, and you shall be my wife.
By Heaven I swear it!
DES. (aside) Fiends of hell, he shall not! He shall not, for I also swear it! [Page 182]
CURTAIN.