February 19, 2014
If anything I could say that this burger was rare. February 26, 2014
Guy 1: I'd like to be buried in a cemetery when I die
Guy 2: Don't you know that teenagers are just going to have s** on top of your tombstone
Guy 1: Uh yeah why do you think I said that March 11, 2014
I was into Shakespeare before he was popular. March 14, 2014
Look at me I can write like F. Scott Fitzgerald. I met a man yesterday who was outspokenly silent. He was weathily poor, but miserably happy. He proceeded to draw an angular circle with some inkless ink. March 27, 2014
Yo Mr. Fielding can I show you some poems I wrote
(some bullsh** about dreams and a flower growing) April 2, 2014
My doctor diagnosed me with a vitamin D deficiency. Please include #prayforwaldfield while discussing this with loved ones. April 22, 2014
Mu hu ha ha ha. The Fielding cackles as small children die. (The timing is coincidental and he is separated from them by great distances.) May 18, 2014
If something seems too good to be true, it's probably created by Waldfield. June 6, 2014
If you teach a remedial cla** you will see wonders that will expand your mind. Like a student using the -ion suffix when they meant -ing. June 16, 2014
"If you're good, you tell people. If you're great, people tell you."
I'm both ;D June 27, 2014
Hey thanks for buying our new FPS. Before you play it, can you wander around and talk to NPCs for 20 minutes though. July 30, 2014
If anybody ever tries to charge me with murder one, I'll be like "murder one what?" September 3, 2014
Sadie Hawkins got a type of school dance named after her and that's pretty cool. One day there will be a Wallid Fielding Dance, and it's like a regular dance only the partners put their fingers in each other's bu*tholes. September 10, 2014
One of the other English teachers put a big box of books in the kitchen that they're giving away.
One of the books was my Scrabble Club's Scrabble dictionary that's been missing for two years. September 13, 2014
"EVERY LINE MUST HAVE EXACTLY 10 SYLLABLES" did shakespeare have ocd or something September 14, 2014
The popular belief is a myth. Thanksgiving turkey doesn't actually make you sleepy.
It's all that Thanksgiving s** that makes you sleepy. September 24, 2014
Anytime I post something that's Liked by someone AND the person they're dating
I'm like
"They'll probably talk about this post the next time they're in bed together" September 25, 2014
When I became an English teacher I never thought I would have to tell people not to capitalize random words. October 15, 2014
I went on a http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082484
I looked for the http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106912
But I found the http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0050397
Then I had a http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0131978 October 17, 2014
An apostrophe can replace any letter. You can use don't to mean donut. Yo I'm going to go buy a don't. October 17, 2014
I'm going to be a s**y witch for Halloween.
I'm going to dress like I always do but with a witch hat. October 23, 2014
Hey you punk teachers telling your students not to use their phones during cla** but then using your own phone during staff meetings and training sessions
Waldfield is coming for you October 25, 2014
Whenever I think about Lot's wife, this image pops into my head of a horse licking her. December 27, 2014
Waldfield is a level 9 enchantress. Please refer to me as such from now on. December 27, 2014
(Pa**es résumé across desk)
"What's this about you being a level 8 enchantress?"
"Oh I'm sorry, that document is out of date."