We need some slags and we need lots of 'em
'Cause we're going on the pull tonight
When we've got slags and we got lots of 'em
They'll cheer you up and make it right
But I'm not coming out, I'm staying here
And getting really wobbly on beer
Just try a bit of Brute for Men
Oh no, it all got drank
We all need a bosom
For a pillow or tit wa*k
I've no need for a woman
When I've got my left hand
Just a handy tub of vaseline
And a picture of my Gran
But we need tarts and we need lots of 'em
We're going on the pull tonight
When we've got tarts and we got lots of 'em
They'll all get pissed and have a fight
It's ace
But I don't want tarts
I want white lightning
They're not my mummy
They're rather frightening
But I'm the king of pulling
And you could learn so much
You could learn the thing we saw
Last night on Red Hot Dutch
I don't need a girlfriend
Oh, just come out and play
I'll tell 'em that I'm too young
I'll tell 'em that you're gay
Okay, I'll come for one pint
And then I'll go back home
Nice one, lad, you won't regret it
But I'll make sure I'm alone