Well, this is it, the day it ends, the day we say goodbye
You know I'd hoped that we'd stay friends, but you won't even try
You've gone through my possessions, claiming everything in sight
Stuff I got when you weren't with me, but, you know? I just won't fight
'Cause it's worth it to be rid of you, you can strip the walls and floors
But there's one thing you're not getting, there's one thing that's not yours
You can have my new computer, and my favorite easy chair
But there's no way you're getting my stuffed bear
Take your hands off Mister Gumpus, he don't belong to you
And I don't want him traumatized just because we're through
I've had him since I was a kid, before you were even there
So take... your... hands... off the bear
You can take my games and comic books and every DVD
You can take my leather trenchcoat that looks all Matrixy
You can take my amplifier, and my cla**ic Fender ba**
You can take an anvil to the skull, or a smack upside the face
But get your hands off Mister Gumpus before you leave for good
Oh, and, by the way, he hugs me better than you ever could
You'd complain when he would shed on you, like your cat has no hair
So take... your... hands... off the bear
The kind of bear that you don't see anymore
The kind of bear that you don't buy from a store
Whenever I would talk to him, you'd laugh at me and nod
And slowly back away, like I was doing... something... odd....
Well, at last our time is over, and I guess it's just as well
I'd say don't let the door hit you, but I hope it hurts like hell
And as we part, I'm wondering what you ever saw in me...
There's a lump beneath your jacket. Mister Gumpus! Where is he?
Take your hands off Mister Gumpus! Now we're brawling in the street
And I didn't know you could punch that hard, or that you had such quick feet
But you're trying to steal my childhood, and it really isn't fair
So take... your frickin' hands... off the bear
Mister Gumpus is between us, and we've both got a good grip
And of course this is the point where Mister Gumpus starts to rip...
But I won't risk that, I let him go, you laugh in victory...
And Mister Gumpus comes to life, and runs right back to me
You thought you owned Mister Gumpus, but he can't be owned at all
He's been my bestest magic friend since I was three feet tall
You can break my heart and take my stuff, but there's one thing you can't share
So keep... your frickin' hands... off the bear
And when I go to sleep tonight, my bed will not be cold
Mister Gumpus will stay with me, and he won't let me get old
For whatever you and I once had really can't compare...
To the love of a boy for his stuffed bear