Now there once was a young man, and he came to the big city
Seeking a lucrative position commensurate with his talents
And he walked the streets all day and he couldn't find a job
Till at last he secured employment working in a stone quarry with all the other college graduates
And one evening after work, they lured him into a saloon
And they urged him to drink a gla** of beer
But he said he wouldn't do it for he'd made a promise to his mother
That he'd never touch a gla** containing an alcoholic beverage
Well, they laughed and they jeered, they called him a coward
Till at last he raised and drained the fatal gla**
And when he'd seen what he had done, he dashed the gla** against the bar
And rushed from the saloon with a terrible case of delirium tremens
And the first one that he saw was a Salvation Army lady
And with one kick he broke her tambourine
While all she said was "Heaven bless you", and placed a mark upon his brow
With a kick she had learned before she was saved
So the moral of this story is to shun the fatal gla**
And don't go around kicking other people's tambourines