Talk to anyone these days and you know, it seems,
Eventually they'll tell you about some heavy scenes
When they were living "with a druggie friend"
You gotta look real serious, or at least pretend
While with a reverend awe, like they're reading a psalm
They tell you about some jerk poking a needle in his arm
And dramatically conclude "you know, the guy was a freak"
But it's the eighth drug story you've heard this week
Well I knew a guy; he tops the lot
He wasn't on h**n, crack or pot
But it was worse than anything out of 'Monkey Grip'
He did the 'Happy Marriage In Suburbia' trip
You know I still don't know how this guy never got busted
For being so incredibly well-adjusted
While we were all shoving chemicals up our nose,
he was out in the garden with a watering hose
At first only small things began to go wrong
He wouldn't turn up when we were having a bong
But sooner than later things began to fall apart
He'd take his girl out regular, eat a la carte
He'd look healthy and happy, it was like an alarm
He was collapsing like the veins in my arm
I'll never forget that terrible night, oh God above
When he told us he was very much in love
So they both bought a house, there was no turning back
They got into it the week that I got into crack
His face was never so ravaged with addiction
As the week he showed me his brand new kitchen
I'd sometimes go 'round there with a cap or two of horse
Tell him "Kick the habit, get a divorce"
"Your wife's pregnant again" I plead "This'll make three
If you have another kid you're sure to OD"
But he's not even listening, he's in some delirium
His wife's doing the dishes and he's begun clearing 'em
"I love my kids, I'm happy" he'd say satisfied
But don't you know, on the nappy he was crucified
He's dead now, of course - needless to say
Family wiped off by a drunk going the wrong way
Oh, how many times has it been written, said or sung,
That if you live monogamous, expect to die young?
So, you can get into crack, smack, dope or speed
But don't take marriage 'cause this is where it'll lead
You experience real happiness, both physical and mental
And if you die it'll be purely accidental.