After three days at your place, all I had to show was a rusted four-door rambler dressed in a boot and a bouquet of parking tickets
Romance is the stiff spots on the futon that we didn't have the patience or care to fold out
If you counted every brick in Encino, California
You'd still come up short compared to the number of f**s I give
I give, and I give, and you take me for granite
I'm just a statuette lost in your garden
No better than matchbox cars
But at least I can sleep without a signed and framed headshot of Kevin Costner watching over me above my bed
At least I didn't blame my cla** A d** on my kid sister's friends
Now she'll never see senior prom
Now she'll never get to f** Ted
It was gonna be perfect and you ruined it
You're just like your mother
Except I think she cares what people think