As I come home on Monday night
As drunk as drunk could be
I saw a horse outside the door
Where my old horse should be
So I called my wife and I said to her
Would you kindly tell to me
Who owns that horse outside the door
Where my old horse should be
Ah you're drunk you're drunk you silly fool
So drunk you cannot see
That's a lovely sow that your mother sent to me
Well I've travelled the whole world over
A hundred miles or more
But a saddle on a sow sure I've never seen before
And as I come home on Tuesday night
So drunk I couldn't see
I saw a coat behind the door
Where my old coat should be
So I called my wife and I said to her
Would you kindly tell to me
Who owns that coat behind the door
Where my old coat should be
Ah you're drunk you're drunk you silly fool
So drunk you cannot see
That's a lovely blanket that your mother sent to me
Well I've travelled the whole world over
A hundred miles or more
But bu*tons on a blanket sure I never saw before
Well as I come home on Wednesday night
So drunk as drunk can be
I saw a pipe upon the chair
Where my old pipe should be
So I called my wife and I said to her
Would you kindly tell to me
Who owns that pipe upon the chair
Where my old pipe should be
Ah you're drunk you're drunk you silly fool
So drunk you cannot see
That's a lovely tin whistle that your mother sent to me
Well I've travelled the whole world over
A hundred miles or more
But tobacco in a tin whistle sure I never saw before
And as I come home on Thursday night
As drunk as drunk could be
I saw two boots beneath the bed
Where my old boots should be
So I called my wife and I said to her
Would you kindly tell to me
Who owns them boots beneath the bed
Where my old boots should be
Ah you're drunk you're drunk you silly fool
So drunk you cannot see
That's two lovely geranium pots my mother sent to me
Well I've travelled the whole world over
A hundred miles or more
But laces in geranium pots I've never seen before
And as I come home on Friday night
As drunk as drunk could be
I saw a head upon the bed
Where my old head should be
So I called my wife and I said to her
Would you kindly tell to me
Who owns that head upon the bed
Where my old head should be
Ah you're drunk you're drunk you silly fool
So drunk you cannot see
That's a baby boy that my mother sent to me
Well I've travelled this whole world over
A hundred miles or more
But a baby boy with whiskers on I've never seen before