Three signs of an Airman:
Practical Jokes
Nervousness before taking off
A rapid healing after injury
Three kinds of enemy walk:
A grandiose stunt
A melancholic stagger
A paranoiac sidle
Three kinds of enemy bearing:
A Condor's stoop
A Toad's stupor
A Robin's stance
Three kinds of enemy base:
The f**ed hen
The favourite puss
A stone in the rain
Three turns of enemy speech:
"I mean"
"Quite frankly"
"Speaking as a scientist, etc."
Three enemy questions:
"Am I boring you?"
"Could you tell me the time?"
"Are you sure you're fit enough?"
Three results of an enemy victory:
Impotence
Cancer
Paralysis
Three counterattacks:
Complete mastery of the air
Last over ten is moving again
Last over nine I forgot my sign
Last over eight It's getting late
Last over seven why aren't there eleven?
Last over six I don't like these tricks
The lady's just cleared away tea and I shall not be disturbed till supper
I shall be quite alone in this room
Free to think of you if I choose
And believe me, my dear, I do chose
For a long time now I've been aware
That she'll be taking up more of my life every day
But I've always been surprised to find out how far this has gone
It's getting late and I have to be up betimes in the morning
You're so quiet these days and I get quite nervous
Remove the dressing…banana's sake you're still there
The wireless this evening says that the frost is coming
When it does we know what to expect, don't we?
But I'm calm, I can wait
The surgeon is dead right
Nothing will ever part us
Good night and God bless you, my dear
Better burn this
Last day but five, thank god it's alive
Last day but four, I can't live any more
Last day but three, nice looking at me
Last day but two, what shall I do?
Last day but one, I think I'll run
Last day of all, It's here and I fall
August 23rd. 3pm. We are lost. A cart has just pa**ed carrying the plaster Eagle. The enemy are going to attack.
GHQ commands:
1. That the attack take place on August 28th. First penetration of the hostile position 7.10am
2. A fake landing by pleasure paddle steamers near the bathing machines on beach 5
3. A main frontal attack, divisions to be concentrated in the Shenley Brickfields, and moved forwards to the battle zone in bakers vans disguised as nuns
First day of mobilisation. At the pre-arranged zero hour, the widow bent into a hoop with arthritis gives the signal for attack by unbending on the steps of St.Philips.
Fifth day, pressure of ice, falling fire
The last snarl of families beneath the toppling column
Fighting and wounds as if sutures dare
(Radio: … flying lessons?)
Twenty four
(Radio: ...Count Zeppelin?)
Four days.
(Radio {garble})
What's the use of counting them now?
(Radio {garble})
Now what have I written?
(Radio {garble})
Thoughts suitable to a sanatorium
(Radio {garble})
Three days to break a lifetime's pride
(Radio {garble})
28
3.40am
Pulses and reflexes normal
Barometric reading 30.6
Mean temperature 30 degrees Fahrenheit
Fair
Some Cumulus cloud at ten thousand feet
Wind Easterly and moderate
Hands in perfect order