To you, he's "Mister Dapper" But your wife calls him "Randy" And he comes while you're out Pumping lead into Bambi Late in December When your venison's rancid He will come while your out Hunting Dasher and Dancer He's a home, home wrecker on the range He'll grope your dear wife And elope with your niece the same day As you wander on the barren prairie land Your wife is telling Randy,
"Go south, young man!" Randy gets his licks in, lets his pistons fire Now you're up all night And your wife has retired Randy leaves your wife With her heart in pieces He says, "Well, that was nice Now do you know where your niece is?" Randy tells your niece As she doffs her knit sweater "Your aunt's a go-getter, kid, But you're a bit better"