ATTENTION STUDENTS
GET YOUR ASS TO CLASS
Welcome to English 101
During the course of this elective
You will learn
How to construct a sentence
How to break a sentence
How to tell a story
And most importantly
You will learn
And most importantly
You will learn
You will learn
And most importantly
You will learn
You will learn
You will learn
That I'm an exclamation Marxist
Um, cross-check that
Double Windsor knot tie-bow
Tell William that
Apple's not a bull's eye
Yolk that polka dot.com fake address
Apostrophe police gonna frame you
For possessive Noun's got a sentence case
Up against it
You better get your facts checked, mate
I ain't playing, these words are a bulletproof vest
So respect it
Comma jury's double blind-dated
Your appeal sounds jaded
Your camaraderie's fake, and I sense that
Semi-colonSensei trained me with an iron-fist
To resist pseudo-lexi-politics
So I ain't falling for your skit, no
I ain't buyin' 'to that sh**, no
You can keep peddlin' your sh**, though
But I ain't falling for that skit, no
They say education is the only field where you can rip people off
And feel like you're doing them a service
Step up to the pun executioner
Chop chop at the guillotine
Block block block block
Do the headless chicken dance
Chop chop with your neck on the chopping block
A noose is a good excuse you could use
When you lose your head
And do the headless chicken dance
This sh**'s gonna hang to your pants, man
Or in the back of your mind
To back of the line
In the back of the cla**
In the back of the cla** is where we'd hang
Backpackin', I'm packin', you're packin', he's packin'
With a pat on the back, with a pat on the back
With a pat on the back that's so patronizing
Stackin' dollar bills brought forward, keen interest
Sent to some unknown college in some first world country that we're not gonna ever see
And I'll tell you why, it's ‘cause we're still stuck
In this credit appreciated economy of bad luck
But most importantly you will learn
Maybe get a degree, or drop out
Like I did
You used to write your friends as foes
And rescue wounded animals
To climb atop your pedestal
Pedantic antics plentiful
Don't you feel better ‘bout yourself, now?
When your grammar's correct and you can spell
Your worst enemies as friends
Would you feel bitter about yourself?