[Verse]
I just wish things would start to make sense
I've gotta get this sh**, off of my chest
Once and for all and be never looking back
I'm doomed, in fact I'm shook and trapped
I've told you my life and I've told you my name
I've told you my life's just been going insane
I'm not sure what else is left to say
So I'm just gonna spit whatever's on my brain
First things first my scales unbalanced
Depressions the worst its sh** I can't fathom
I don't understand it you don't understand me
I don't understand me and not even family
Understands what is going through my noggin
sh**s been getting foggy I've been dodging problems
Honestly the lights are on but the blinds are down how
Do I cope when the sounds so deafening
I've got no energy and now what's left of me
Is stuck with lethargy, there's definitely no remedy
Trust me I've f**ing tried everything excessively
When I got my headphones on there's nothing around me
When I have em out I feel like I'm drowning
Closed off from the world, locked in a dark room
My life's black and white, it's unlike a cartoon
My brain's dead, deceased, it's grey I'm a zombie
At times I'd explode, like a f**ing bomb these
Days are hard I'm lonely I emotionally go
Comatose I'm broken or my chromosomes
In my dome open I overdose on my emotions
I'm choking and no-one seems to notice
That slowly my life is slipping out of my fingertips
I f**ing hate all of you, you've all been a dick
You did this to me, it ain't my f**ing fault
And now most my thoughts are locked in a vault
Every time I lie and say that I'm fine
I f**ing die inside, I ain't f**ing fine
With the God damn pain, as long as it's beautiful
What the f** was I on? That sh**s ludicrous
The ones that love me can't see that I'm dead
You wanna walk a mile in my shoes I bet
Cause a mile in my head is way too f**ing much
You'd know if you were in here so don't be quick to judge
No-one understands what the f** I've been through
If you lived my life you'd feel the same too
I've been going insane and it just gets darker
The pain of my brain and the harm of my heart
I've said it before and I'll say it again
I'd k** for my family but I'd die for my friends
They say that “blood is thicker than water”
Nah you got the quote wrong, this sh**'s been altered
“the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water
Of the womb” man I wish it weren't f**ing true
I've started to see my friends as family
And my family as strangers, how can it be
That the ones that share the blood in my veins
Are the ones that made me life live in vain
I feel like most of my family disown me
Like I'm an alien, it shouldn't matter if we're alone
In the universe if we feel alone on the Earth
It's a curse from birth, and it only gets worse
The truth hurts and I would prefer
The honest hardships than a comforting lie
Or you won't win the fight and might lose your life
Nobody gets how close I've been to suicide
Outcasted like Jesus I too have been crucified
I'm on his right next to him dying slowly
You might know him but you don't know me
It's okay I'm used to it, I don't even know me
Man I'm a tourist in my own damn country
I don't even know what I'm saying anymore
My thoughts are sporadic my brains in a war
My habits nomadic I'm lost but I travel
To try and find myself in this hell that's erratic
My schematics are torn I can't find the pieces
They're exactly what I needed to fight my diseased head
I write on my canvas yet I see no picture
It may be gibberish but to me it's my scripture
So what if this is me constantly babbling
I can't help rambling I find it baffling
But sometimes it all makes perfect sense
I live my life unbalanced on the fence
I can't put my finger on it, I keep contradicting myself
This hell is making me f**ing think and dwell
On the past how else can I say
It makes sense it doesn't it does, I'm done
Where else can I run? I've got no-one to turn too
Do I ask God? “Sam I don't think he heard you”
Who else can I ask you're s'posed to be there for me
I've thought about this so God damn carefully
I said your name in vain but there's no bolt of lightning
You won't strike me down yet you have everyone frightened
"you have to be pure to get into heaven
Of course I know that you won't join the devil
Just so long as you don't do this or that”
We live without freedom you've kept us trapped
The government is God they stole the religion
They won't tell the truth they keep the facts hidden
If God does exist and he is all loving
No matter who you are he don't want you suffering
He wouldn't even send the murderers to burn
In eternal flame that sh**'s just insane
They made religion to separate the people
The bible's a best seller I'm surprised there's no sequel
God is good and the devil is evil
Have you looked at these words they're made to deceive you
Drop the ‘o' and good is God, add the ‘d' and evil's devil
I hope you see what's conceived is just a dose of peaceful venom
Gotta keep you in line so you don't feel the fire
And what do you get when fire fights fire
You get a bigger fire, it ain't hard people!
You don't have to be smart just wake up the pineal
The system ain't broken they made it unequal
They're trying to separate us they're using Jesus
I'll always fight back, even when it's tough
I don't know much but I know God is Love
They try to break that and turn it to hate
We're starting to wake up, they've made a mistake
Sure this mixtape has been me venting
But I needed to so I wouldn't f**ing end it
All over something so f**ing thick headed
You gotta go through hell to experience heaven
And that's what keeps me going, sometimes it's hard but
You gotta look past it, and just aim farther
Sure I've got problems, but everyone's got em
It can get too much and I feel like Robin
But at least I found my way in which I could vent
It's out of my head and now off of my chest
It's hard to talk to you when you're so damn quiet
How do you expect me to know who I am
When I don't even know just who you are
I'm a pa**enger in your world but you're driving too fast
You're driving me insane and I'm hiding the pain
Trying to gain some answers to avoid this state
Of mind, I can't find the answers
Where's the questions I dunno what I'm asking
So much to know and understand in this life
Wish I had more insight to ignite and this bright
Bulb wouldn't be hidden in the f**ing shadows
The path I walk is narrow but I think I got the ammo
The curtains closing, this mixtape is over
I won't make a penny from it but I feel wealthy
So much to say where's the words to say it
I'm hurting I'm praying, this burdens beens aching
I dunno how to say it or how on Earth to face it
I don't know where I'm going but I know I'm on my way