[KATE MONSTER:]
Morning, Brian!
[BRIAN:]
Hi, Kate Monster
[KATE MONSTER:]
How's life?
[BRIAN:]
Disappointing!
[KATE MONSTER:]
What's the matter?
[BRIAN:]
The catering company
Laid me off
[KATE MONSTER:]
Oh, I'm sorry!
[BRIAN:]
Me too! I mean, look at me!
I'm ten years out of college, and I
Always thought
[KATE MONSTER:]
What?
[BRIAN:]
No, it sounds stupid
[KATE MONSTER:]
Aww, come on!
[BRIAN:]
When I was little
I thought I would be
[KATE MONSTER:]
What?
[BRIAN:]
A big comedian
On late night TV
But now I'm thirty-two
And as you can see
I'm not
[KATE MONSTER:]
Nope!
[BRIAN:]
Oh Well
It s**s to be me
[KATE MONSTER:]
Nooo
[BRIAN:]
It s**s to be me
[KATE MONSTER:]
No!
[BRIAN:]
It s**s to be broke
And unemployed
And turning thirty-three
It s**s to be me
[KATE MONSTER:]
Oh, you think your life s**s?
[BRIAN:]
I think so
[KATE MONSTER:]
Your problems aren't so bad!
I'm kinda pretty
And pretty damn smart
[BRIAN:]
You are
[KATE MONSTER:]
Thanks!
I like romantic things
Like music and art
And as you know
I have a gigantic heart
So why don't I have
A boyfriend?
f**!
It s**s to be me!
[BRIAN:]
Me too
[KATE MONSTER:]
It s**s to be me
[BRIAN:]
It s**s to be me
It s**s to be Brian
[KATE MONSTER:]
And Kate
[BRIAN:]
To not have a job!
[KATE MONSTER:]
To not have a date!
[BOTH:]
It s**s to be me
[BRIAN:]
Hey, Rod, Nicky, can you
Settle something for us?
Do you have a second?
[ROD:]
Ah, certainly
[KATE MONSTER:]
Whose life s**s more?
Brian's or mine?
[NICKY AND ROD:]
Ours!
[ROD:]
We live together
[NICKY:]
We're as close
As people can get
[ROD:]
We've been the best of buddies
[NICKY:]
Ever since the
Day we met
[ROD:]
So he knows lots
Of ways to make me
Really upset
Oh, every day is
An aggravation
[NICKY:]
Come on, that's
An exaggeration!
[ROD:]
You leave your
Clothes out
You put your feet
On my chair
[NICKY:]
Oh yeah?
You do such an*l
Things like ironing
Your underwear
[ROD:]
You make that very
Small apartment
We share a hell
[NICKY:]
So do you
That's why I'm in hell too!
[ROD:]
It s**s to be me!
[NICKY:]
No, it s**s to be me!
[KATE MONSTER:]
It s**s to be me!
[BRIAN:]
It s**s to be me!
[ALL:]
Is there anybody here
It doesn't s** to be?
It s**s to be me!
[CHRISTMAS EVE:]
Why you all so happy?
[NICKY:]
Becuase our lives s**!
[CHRISTMAS EVE:]
Your lives s**?
I hearing you correctly? Ha!
I coming to this country
For opportunities
Tried to work in
Korean deli
But I am Japanese
But with hard work
I earn two Master's Degrees
In social work!
And now I a therapist!
But I have no clients
And I have an
Unemployed fiance'!
And we have lots
Of bills to pay!
It s** to be me!
It s** to be me!
I say it
s**a-s**a-s**a-s**a[x3]
s**!
It s** to be me!
[PRINCETON:]
Excuse me?
[BRIAN:]
Hey there
[PRINCETON:]
Sorry to bother you, but I'm
Looking for a place to live
[CHRISTMAS EVE:]
Why you looking all
The way out here?
[PRINCETON:]
Well, I started at Avenue A
But so far everything is out
Of my price range. But this
Neighborhood looks a lot cheaper!
Oh, and look - a "For Rent" sign!
[BRIAN:]
You need to talk to
The superintendent
Let me get him
[PRINCETON:]
Great, thanks!
[BRIAN:]
Yo, Gary!
[GARY COLEMAN:]
I'm comin'! I'm comin'!
[PRINCETON:]
Oh my God!
It's Gary Coleman!
[GARY COLEMAN:]
Yes I am!
I'm Gary Coleman
From TV's
Diff'rent Strokes
I made a lotta money
That got stolen
By my folks!
Now I'm broke and
I'm the bu*t
Of everyone's jokes
But I'm here
The Superintendent!
On Avenue Q
[ALL:]
It s**s to be you
[KATE MONSTER:]
You win!
[ALL:]
It s**s to be you
[BRIAN:]
I feel better now!
[GARY COLEMAN:]
Try having people
Stopping you to ask you
"What you talkin' 'bout, Willis?"
It gets old
[ALL:]
It s**s to be you
On Avenue Q
(s**s to be me)
On Avenue Q
(s**s to be you)
On Avenue Q
(s**s to be us)
But not when
We're together
We're together
Here on Avenue Q!
We live on Avenue Q!
Our friends do too!
'Til our dreams
Come true
We live on Avenue Q!
[PRINCETON:]
This is real life!
[ALL:]
We live on Avenue Q!
[NICKY:]
You're gonna love it!
[ALL:]
We live on Avenue Q!
[GARY COLEMAN:]
Here's your keys!
[ALL:]
Welcome to Avenue Q!