In fourteen hundred and ninety-two
A Dago from Eye-tally
Went walking down the avenue
Eating a hot tamale
Chorus:
He knew the world was round, oh!
[He sailed a ship around, oh!]
That navigating, masturbating
Son-of-a-b**h, Columbo
A girl ran from the alleyway
And who was that pursued her?
The white of an egg ran down her leg
Columbus sure did screw her
Columbus went to the Queen of Spain
To get a ship and cargo
He said, “I'd be a son-of-a-b**h
If I don't bring back Chicago.”
Chorus:
He knew the world was round, oh!
He sailed a ship around, oh!
That masticating, masturbating
Son-of-a-b**h, Columbo
Bridge:
Hold tight, Mr. Chris Columbus!
[Went to sea] without a compa**
Got a pain in his cucumbus
Up spoke Mr. Chris Columbus:
"[He said I just can't stand]
Until I reach land
I must get a hand
From someone in the band"
Christy took one glance
And quickly saw his chance
When a blushing man
Dropped his pants for romance!
Christy said now, "bend down mister
And remember if this should pain
It's for Spain."
And it was not in vain!
When the man bent down
Christy went to town
How the crew did cheer
As he worked from the rear
(back to main verse tune)
For 40 days and 40 nights
They sailed in search of booty
They spied a who*e on a pagan shore
By God she was a beauty!
Over the rails by heads and tails
Shedding their shirts and collars
In fourteen minutes by the clock
She made nine hundred dollars
Chorus:
He knew the world was round, oh!
His pants were hanging down, oh!
That flagellating, masturbating
Son-of-a-b**h, Columbo
Bridge again:
Hold tight, Mr. Chris Columbus!
[He said hurray for the] New World [something unintelligible] compa**!